On Being an Only Child

A while ago, we shared stories from parents of only children about the pros, cons, and anecdotes of raising an only child. Today we hear only from the children themselves. Here, seven (adult) only children talk about their experiences.

Hari, 41 years old
“I grew up on a farm and my grandparents lived right across the field, so there weren’t many kids around, but I never felt alone. I learned how to talk to adults, and now that I’m an adult, I find it so much easier to talk to people. Another big thing. The advantage was that I was able to travel. When I was 11 years old, I learned about England and my parents took me there that summer to visit the places I had learned about. Financially, it was not possible for me to do so. I made a very intentional choice to only have one, and even though I’m an only child, I have 5 stars.”

Gayatri, 33 years old
“My family moved to the United States from India when I was five years old. From an immigrant perspective, the parent-child dynamic is a little different. They can’t really ‘guide’ us through American rites of passage and systems. It’s like we’re all thinking together. They didn’t know what “prom” was, did they? It might have been helpful to have a brother as an ally. It may have helped my family feel more oriented towards America.

“At the same time, I think my childhood gave me social skills. I didn’t have any friends in my family to begin with, so it made me better at adapting to new situations and finding companions. There are all these negative stereotypes about only children, like being socially weird. That might be true for some people, but I’m fine with it.”

Gitanjali, 32 years old
“I felt very integrated into my parents’ lives. My parents invited friends over for dinner and I was the only child at the table. I thought it was very fun and interesting to listen to their conversations. I also echoed my opinions. I remember talking about the Iraq war. But now that I’m older and my parents are older, I sometimes wish I had someone around who knew them the way I did. I’m starting to feel hopeful. Who should be remembered with? At the same time, I know that whenever I imagine my brother, it’s always the rosiest picture. There is no guarantee that siblings will have a good relationship. ”

Mallory, 38 years old
“My parents divorced when I was 3 years old, and from then on it was just my mom and I. A few family friends really stepped up. My mom always worked two or three jobs and often worked nights, so when I was in kindergarten, I would often sleep over at my friend Natalie’s house. Her parents, the Allmans, were always happy to help. When I was in elementary school, it was the Butler family, my friend Katie’s parents, who would pick me up after school and take me there.”My best friend in high school was Molly Kopp, who would often invite me over on weekends when my mother was a lawyer. And when my father, with my background, suddenly showed up and made legal threats, he was quick to intervene.

“I’ve always wanted a sister, and I felt like I found one in my friends. I also have four step-sisters now. When I first got married, I thought it was strange that none of them had really close girlfriends, but I had a solid group of friends that I’d known since childhood. It took me a few years to realize that my step-sisters didn’t need that, because they had each other.”

Christy, 38 years old
“My parents both came from difficult upbringings, so they decided early on that they would only have one child and focus on themselves. My mother went to work every day, and my father stayed at home with me. He doted on his father. My parents also made sure I spent time with other kids. I went to summer camps and after-school activities and played every sport under the sun.

“To be honest, I was a bit cocky as a kid. My dad was pretty vocal about self-esteem and self-confidence, and I probably thought the same way.” too much Be confident! But since I became an adult, I have worked really hard. I work in the corporate world and manage a large team. I don’t think I would have acquired this career and leadership skills without my childhood. When people ask me about being an only child, I suggest it with nuance. I think more effort is needed to ensure that your child is able to interact with friends. Indeed, there is more pressure on only children, especially as their parents begin to age. But for me, the pros outweigh the cons. ”

Sean, 38 years old
“I’ve always romanticized sibling relationships. My best friend has a younger sister and I still ask her for details. What does it feel like? A big house sounds really exciting to me and I always knew it would be my home when I started my own family. Although I had a wonderful childhood with a rich inner life, I longed for a lively home. After that, I gave birth to my first child, but the postpartum period was so difficult that I wondered if I could do it again. We also live in Los Angeles, so it’s weighing on us financially. Can we even afford to have another child? My son is 2 1/2 years old and just barely getting back on his feet. If there is another person, will we be able to meet again? Or do you just go from school to work to school and back? So far, having one child has been great. We still have a lot of flexibility and freedom. At the same time, my husband has a brother and I can’t imagine life without him. We were stuck! ”

Marissa, 40 years old
“As a child, I never thought about being an only child. Our family structure was just right. It was always the three of us when we went somewhere and the three of us when we came home. We were present and we were all responsible. When I went to college and started making new friends, people were often surprised that I was an only child. ‘Really? I thought you were the older sister or something.’ That was the first time I realized the negative perception of only children.

“I don’t know where we all got this idea that bigger is always better. When my husband and I had our son, we felt so lucky to have this sweet child. But from the beginning, we had doubts: ‘Wait, we just had a baby?’ Now sometimes our friends will add, ‘Just one is enough, right?’ You have become very normal. ” My opinion: It would be great if the family felt like a group of three. As long as everyone is happy, keep an eye on your paper. ”

If you are an only child or an only child, may I add?A huge thank you to all the wonderful people who shared their stories with us. Thank you very much for contacting us.

PS Advice on what to choose from 1 child to 2 children and 8 women do not have having children.

(Photo credit: Irina Ozhigova/Stocksy)