Why is it so difficult to come out in the 21st century?
I wish I could say it was because of my traditional father figure, a conservative Republican like me. I wish I could say it was because of my religious, traditional, and well-meaning grandparents like my abuelita. I wish I could say it’s the result of perpetual outward homophobia, relentless hatred, and societal ignorance. But I’m going to end up gaslighting us just like I’ve been doing for the past 27 years.
Coming out in the 21st century has always been very difficult because you can’t accept who you are. I bisexualand no matter how difficult it seems to admit to yourself, it’s finally happening.
Raised in a Catholic, conservative household, apprenticeI love my family, and I spent my adolescence praying that someone would strip me of my homosexuality. One day I would wake up and my “dark thoughts” would be gone forever and I would be straight, just the way my family, friends, and everyone else wanted me to be.
I first realized I was queer in 2003, when I found myself obsessed with one of my favorite shows of all time, a Disney Channel show. lizzie mcguire. I have been obsessed with Lizzie since I was 6 years old. She was the first woman I wanted to marry. She was the first girl I wanted to raise a family with. She was the first girl I wanted to grow up with. The character of Lizzie McGuire embodied all the positive traits I longed to find in myself. She is intelligent, beautiful, and unapologetically herself. I loved everything about her. Including Ethan Craft, a tall, dark, dumb man who looks like the doorknob boy of your dreams. Ethan was the kind of boy I always wanted to be, except for the stupid part, but I wasn’t. completely That’s when I realized he was also the kind of boy I always wanted to be with.
I’ve always been interested in men as much as women. How many questions were always weighing heavily on me during my adolescence? Thanks to a superhero named Chris, a rock star with endless style, and sexy men all over the world, my question has long been answered.
I love men.
Chris Evans, because of you I pledge allegiance to America’s ass every day. Elvis, you’re driving Presley crazy, you’re the only devil in disguise who can do anything to me. And Hugh Jackman, you sing while tearing me apart.
I love men as much as I love women.
Jennifer Lawrence, you will always be the law of my life. To prove it, I created a fan club in your honor. Ana de Armas, if you need it, keep up the miracles and sales. Zendaya, what can I say? You are in a league of your own. I love both women and men. I have my own mind, heart, and body, so I have the right and ability to love the person I love. I am who I am.
I’m drawn to a person’s talent, ambition, energy, work ethic, character, generosity, and personality. The world below becomes invisible. Of course you are attracted to someone’s appearance, but what matters most is what the person is inside. For 27 years, I gaslit myself and believed that the world wouldn’t make me who I was, when I was the only one who wasn’t me. We cannot allow gaslighting anyone, including ourselves, to fit into a conservative agenda of any form of oppression.
we know what we want.
we love who we love.
We know who we are.
The truth is, we’ve known it all along.
I am done hiding one of the most beautiful parts of myself. I’m a weirdo. I am every word, emotion, thought, name, and color associated with one of the most beautiful, welcoming, and engaging communities in the entire world.
To be honest, I’m much better for it.
I choose to use the word “queer” because I believe it is all-encompassing. Today, I am bisexual. Tomorrow I might meet someone who might help me realize that I’m pansexual. Identity is fluid and constantly changing. Embracing change, self-growth, and continuing to explore the unknown are essential to the human experience.
In retrospect, my inability to fully accept myself has always led me down dark paths and sabotaged several relationships because of it. I sabotaged relationships with women because I wanted to try relationships with men, and I sabotaged relationships with men because I didn’t want to admit my feelings for men. I will forever regret my mistakes, but all I can do is move forward and work on myself in the only way I understand.
Treatment saves lives.
My “coming out” story is the first step I needed to take in accepting myself for who I am and discovering the unconditional love I hold within my heart for myself. I really feel sorry for the 6-year-old me who now has big eyes, a big belly, and a big heart. You are, and always will be, worthy of love. I’m sorry for always making you believe otherwise.
I will never hurt you again.
I would never hurt him.
I would never hurt her.
I would never hurt anyone.
I’m really sorry to everyone, but the most important thing is myself.
My name is George. I’m bisexual. This is just the beginning of my journey to becoming a retired gaslighter.
george del junco MA was born the only child of two immigrants who came to America with love in their hearts and nothing but what they could wear. He earned a master’s degree in creative writing from the University of Denver. He loves teaching English students about the cost of Princess Pomeranian’s peanut butter addiction, but he really loves teaching them that the world isn’t as bad as they always think. Look out for his next project, “The World in the Wall.” It’s a science fiction fantasy about a group of alienated teenagers who are forced to band together and create a better world for themselves.
voice is dedicated to featuring inspiring personal stories and influential opinions from a wide range of people. LGBTQ+ and allied communities. visit advocate.com/submit Click here for detailed submission guidelines. We welcome your comments and feedback on our stories. Email us at voice@equalpride.com. The views expressed in Voices articles are those of guest writers, columnists, and editors and do not directly represent the views of The Advocate or our parent company, Equality Pride.
Source: Advocate.com – www.advocate.com
