I hid these experiences from my mother while my adventures in this new world unfolded, and it tormented me. She has seen me and my body at my best and my worst. And we’ve always been incredibly open and honest with each other about everything. However, I did not dare to admit that I had hired an escort. A part of me felt so ashamed of what I was doing, but I didn’t want her to feel that shame either. I also didn’t want her to worry that her physically vulnerable son had taken a dark path, and I didn’t want her to wonder what this choice meant for me and my future. . So I didn’t tell her what I was (very happily) doing until just a few weeks ago.
It was a Tuesday evening, and my mother and I were in the middle of our daily conversation on the phone. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but it didn’t really matter. Then all of a sudden, I blurted out, “Mom, I’m hiring a sex worker.”
I remember hearing a gasp after I said it because I was scared of her reaction. She waited about 10 seconds before speaking, during which time I reeled off every possible response. she will be angry She would blame me. She would be ashamed of me. And after that brief silence (during which I felt like 100 years had passed) she said the words I will never forget. “I think that’s great.”
I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me instantly. I took a deep breath. When I’m scared, excited, or feeling any kind of emotion, all my muscles tense up (thanks to my cerebral palsy). But at that moment, they immediately relaxed and I sank comfortably into the crevice of the wheelchair. I suddenly felt more free than I had ever felt before. I was completely able to be myself around my mother, who is a wheelchair user. strange; invalid; men who hire sex workers to meet their needs;
Talking to my mom about this part of my life helped me embrace and celebrate my agency over my body, time, and money, and changed the way I view intimacy, sex, and love.
One of the most powerful comments my mom made after our conversation was, “Andrew, sex isn’t bad.”
These are such simple words, but incredibly powerful when you hear them from someone you respect, love, and are proud of. she said to me: just Having sex – it doesn’t have to be tied to love. ” Because so many stories of sex and disability are tied to romance and finding someone to love you “beyond the disability” (wow!). Her affirmation and support of me as a purely sexual, queer, disabled person, when and how I want. , I felt amazing.
Most importantly, I think coming out to my mother about my employment as a sex worker strengthened our relationship. Now I know I can truly share every part of my disabled queer life with her and that means everything to me. Moreover, we can now not only play our respective “mother and son” roles, but also build an even stronger friendship as two individuals.
Coming out is never easy. There’s always the real threat of rejection and hurt, and if you have a disability, you can have even more to lose. But the more we tell our stories and share what we’re going through and why we’ve made the decisions we make, the more we make a difference between the people we love and the world at large. can break down barriers.
Unfortunately, hiring sex workers is still heavily stigmatized in our society, but it really shouldn’t be. What happens between two consenting adults should be their business, and theirs alone. For people like me, queer disabled people with healthy sexual desires, it allows us to access our bodies and sexuality in ways that feel powerful, sexy, and important. I did. All of these things are things we don’t normally associate with disability.
I’m lucky to have a mother who accepts everything about me. I know not everyone is as lucky as me in that regard, but perhaps by sharing my story and revealing who I am, I can help someone else love It could have given them the courage to be more open.
If you can do that, it’s worth it.
Andrew Gurza is a disability awareness consultant and disability content creator whose work has appeared in Daily Xtra, Gay Times UK, HuffPost, The Advocate, Everyday Feminism, Mashable, Out.com, and several anthologies. Introduced. He is also the host of DisabilityAfterDark: A Podcast Shining a Brighter Light on Sex and Disability, available on all podcast platforms. Follow @podcastunlock dark pod. He is also the creator of the viral hashtag #Disabled people are hot. For more information about Andrew, please visit: www.andrewgurza.com.
This article was first published HuffPost Last updated in April 2019 and updated in January 2021.
Source: BuzzFeed – LGBTQ – www.buzzfeed.com
