What does real healing actually look like here? Lately, I’ve realized that healing is much less memorable than I had imagined. 🌿
At one point, I thought healing would feel like a movie. Suddenly everything made sense and my nervous system started playing harp music instead of emergency sirens, like some huge breakthrough. In fact, it looked incredibly normal.
I started drinking more water and my panic seemed to decrease.
My heart needed somewhere soft to land, so I sat quietly outside for what seemed like 10 minutes.
After losing momentum, it looked like he would try again. Also. And then again…
I believed that growth would definitely come. Now, I find myself often arriving exhausted and with a grocery list in tow. There are seasons in life that just don’t feel as magical. It feels heavy. slow. unfinished.
Over the past ten years, life has asked more of me than I thought I could handle. My loved ones have passed away. Three major surgeries have changed my body and mind, two of which have occurred within the past two years.
At times, the weight of it all felt permanent, as if Joy had quietly packed up her things and moved away without leaving a forwarding address. There were moments when I really wondered if I would ever feel like myself again. If only I could find peace in something as mundane as working in the garden with dirt on my hands and sunlight on my shoulders.
Still, healing is progressing slowly.
It’s not dramatic. Not all at once.
At first, as small moments. A little more energy. A little more hope. This morning I felt lighter than before. The garden was patiently waiting for me. The same goes for life. 🌱
There were days when just replying to a text message felt like a mental strain.
My body was tired, my thoughts were noisy, and my mind felt like an old porch light flickering in a storm. Still, something inside me continues to challenge me.
It’s not dramatic. It’s not perfect. Just be quiet…
This kind of effort deserves more recognition than what the internet provides or what I myself provide.
As I got older, I became less interested in sophisticated versions of healing. True healing hardly looks aesthetically while it is happening.
Apparently, I’ve noticed that I don’t react to certain things as much as I used to.
Looks like you’re catching yourself before you spiral.
It seems like I can laugh again without trying too hard.
After feeling disconnected from myself for a long time, I seem to have started creating again.
Honestly, I think part of the healing is learning that resting is not a failure.
Many of us, somewhere along the way, learned to treat fatigue like a proof of worth. As if burnout is a badge of accomplishment that should be proudly displayed next to your coffee cup or unfinished to-do list.
I can’t believe that anymore!
I think healing may simply be a slow decision to be kinder to yourself while continuing to move forward. I won’t give up. I’m not pretending. Just continue in a different way.
Softer. Be smarter. Be more honest.
And maybe that’s enough…
Maybe healing doesn’t mean becoming a brand new person.
Perhaps we finally feel safe enough to return to who we were in survival mode in the first place. 🌱
Healing is strange, isn’t it? One day, the light gently returned and I realized that it remained forever…
Stay grounded, keep growing, and look past the nonsense a little bit…
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Source: A’ho Namaste – www.ahonamaste.com
