Kelly Ann Street, Mississippi attorney and author of Embrace The Dark: Heal & Find Balance in Life’s Deepest Shadows;
Ancestral burdens are an invisible inheritance. Through genetics, we inherit eye color, temperament, and body shape, but we also inherit emotional responses, survival strategies, and unspoken rules about how life works and how we should behave within it. These invisible legacies are passed down through generations and shape our grandchildren and great-grandchildren in ways known and unknown.
We understand some of this through epigenetics. It studies how behavior and environment (such as diet, stress, and exposure to toxins) can cause changes and influence how genes work without changing the underlying DNA sequence. These chemical modifications act as switches, turning genes on and off, influencing health and development across generations. [Fridman, A., et al. (2025). “From trauma to resilience: psychological and epigenetic adaptations in the third generation of Holocaust survivors.” Scientific Reports, 15. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-025-12085-5]
Epigenetics is just one reason why mental health diagnoses run in families. Another thread goes back to attachment theory. That is, how our ancestors bonded, or did not bond, with their children across generations. I’ve heard from clients about their great-grandparents being sent to live with distant relatives during the Great Depression because their parents couldn’t keep their mouths full. One broken bond caused ripples. Children who have never learned connection cannot teach it to their children, and their children inherit the same wounds.
As part of my book research, Embracing the Darkness: Healing and finding balance in life’s deepest shadows. In this piece, which focuses on overcoming dark nights of the soul, I dug through my family history box. I was trying to track down where some of my early messages about going small and acting under the radar came from. Part of the answer lay in an old newspaper clipping. This is an article about my great-grandmother’s lifelong sewing career. The author said that he was extremely reluctant to have his photo taken. Here is my great-grandmother’s description: “I don’t want anyone reading this to think I’m special or crazy about this.”
Her message that being seen is dangerous and pride is shameful became an ancestral burden that was quietly passed down through my family. Ancestral burden is a message, trauma, or memory that is passed on or hidden from one generation to the next. They may be secrets or open wounds, but what they have in common is that they convey warnings, lessons, or rules for living.
In my husband’s family, the burden was a secret. There was a legacy of people who took their own lives. Deaths that were hidden or recorded as accidents. He discovered this only through genealogical research, which led him to discover military death certificates and unmarked graves. Silence itself became part of the heritage.
In my therapy and coaching practice, part of the work I do with people is uncovering the history and mystery surrounding deeply ingrained messages that are passed down through families, often through small proverbs, family lore, or the silences spoken around particular relatives.
How to recognize what you’re carrying
Each of us has patterns that may not originate from ourselves. They may manifest as fears that feel old. A fear that has no origin in your own life. They can manifest as emotional reactions that seem out of proportion to what just happened, or they can manifest as deep-seated beliefs about money, worth, love, and security that we absorb before we can even say the words. Some of this came from direct observation of my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Others arrived in more invisible ways.
Here are some patterns worth investigating in your lineage.
- A reaction that feels bigger than the current moment.: Similar to a trauma response, like crying when you witness a child throwing a tantrum at the grocery store.
- Rules you follow that you didn’t consciously choose: Buying extra food, even if you know you don’t need it, until your shelves and freezer are full.
- Emotions that are not personal but genetic: Anger that surfaces out of nowhere, or that can be directly traced back to how our parents and grandparents reacted to the world.
- Family proverbs that shaped how you see yourself: “Don’t be too big about it” was a refrain in my own family, a silent warning against the dangers of self-confidence and pride.
The dark side of family loyalty
Because we are not always aware of these burdens, we rarely think to question our given thoughts and actions. But sometimes inheriting the pain of a bloodline is not unconscious neglect. It’s an act of love. We have things that our parents couldn’t handle. We repeat what was never resolved. Being hurt can feel like loyalty.
Some children worry that questioning their parents’ lifestyle is a betrayal. We also do this collectively when we refuse to “speak ill of the dead.” When someone passes away, we often remember their best qualities, pretending that only the good remains, while quietly burying the pain they may have caused, even if unintentionally. Doing this will give the person a half-life. We deny the full truth about who we are and who others are. And burying that pain won’t make it go away. It hides and festers under shame and silence, waiting for the next generation to take over.
3 practical ways to start untangling your inheritance
If you’re ready to start dealing with your own ancestral burdens, try these three practices.
1. Inventory of family quotes
Write down the messages you absorb about emotions, worth, survival, and safety. Then ask who this voice really is. When did you first hear it? What did it protect?
2. Pedigree Letter
Write a letter to your ancestors, or to the wound itself. Recognize what is being carried. Name what you have held on their behalf. Then, in your own words, explain what you decided to configure.
3. Physical awareness
Where in your body do you feel the weight of what has been handed to you? Do you feel tight in your chest when someone compliments you? Do you clench your jaw when you think about money? Connecting inherited wounds to physical sensations. The body often knows things that the mind has not yet named.
no need to move forward
There is no praise in carrying on the burdens of past generations. We don’t become stronger by continuing to keep ourselves small or by teaching our children to hold on tight to what little they have out of fear of not having enough. Naming your burdens is the first act of liberation, not only for yourself but also for those seven generations before and seven generations after you in some traditions of thought.
The next thing to do is to examine how that burden has affected your life. From there, you can begin to unravel the threads that bind you, either slowly or all at once. You can honor your lineage without being tied down by unfinished business.
Be a pattern breaker
This work is both difficult and sacred. Choosing to look honestly at the patterns and beliefs that have been passed down to us is one of the bravest things a person can do. You can be the one to stop repeating hurtful words, choose a different response to conflict, and step into abundance where scarcity existed.
One way to move forward is to find a therapist, shaman, or coach who specializes in releasing the burdens of your ancestors and lineage. Another option is to research your ancestors. Look through old photos, newspaper clippings, and census records. Ask your oldest living relative what they remember about their own childhood, parents, and grandparents. The pieces of your story are there. Once you begin to put the puzzle together, the reaction from the wound will stop and you will begin to heal from the wound. Grow into who you were always meant to be.
About the author
Kelly Ann Street, Mississippi, L.P., is a licensed professional counselor, author, and presenter. Let’s embrace darkness and light Podcast. her debut work, Embracing the Darkness: Healing Life’s Deepest Shadows and Finding Balance (Llewellyn Publications, 2026) guides readers through a transformative journey that focuses on, rather than away from, life’s most difficult experiences. Kelly uses her background in somatic therapy, internal family systems, Jungian depth psychology, and her own lived experience to help people integrate their shadow selves and heal the wounds they have been carrying in silence. She holds a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology from Capella University and is IFS Level 1 certified through training with the IFS Institute and Psychedelic Somatic Institute.
Learn more and explore her work. embrace the dark and the light.com. Follow Kelly on Instagram @twst_twst,On facebook / Embrace the darkness and lightand @kelyannstreet On YouTube.
Source: Spiritual Media Blog – www.spiritualmediablog.com
