I’ll tell you a quick story here. I have friends. For now, let’s say her name is Emily. In our conversations, Emily often asks questions that I used to feel uncomfortable with. But what’s interesting is that these questions are designed to help me think deeply within myself and arrive at logical solutions to difficult scenarios.
A sense of tension spreads
At first, I felt quite awkward answering questions like “How does that situation make you feel?” Because I needed to be vulnerable. Over time, I’ve found that it helps me process my emotions during emotional interactions.
What I realized is that my friends, knowingly or not, kept me sharp and helped me understand my situation in order to make decisions and move forward. Let’s be honest, sometimes that’s what you need.
There’s a saying that goes something like this: “You are the sum of the top five people around you.” When interpreting this, I’ve always wondered if the people around us silently shape our standards and outlook on life, including what we tolerate.
This does not mean that you should live your life in solo mode if you do not have good friends. No one is an island. Of course, iron sharpens iron, but that doesn’t happen magically. It has to do with the law of proximity.
Explanation of the law of proximity
The law of proximity is a principle in Gestalt psychology that states that objects placed close to each other are perceived as a related group, even if they have completely different shapes or colors. Successful people don’t do it by chance. They surround themselves with people and environments that help them succeed.
Emily probably doesn’t actively ask questions that will elicit the essence of my feelings about a situation. It has to do with her curious nature and the way she sees the world.
What it does for me is identify what’s going on in my nervous system and be able to use that as evidence for what to do and what not to do next. Ultimately, this helps me learn and grow over time. This is the law of proximity working in my favor.
That’s why I would also like to mention that we are better together, that personal growth does not necessarily happen in isolation. It takes conscious effort and intentional work. If you haven’t considered it yet, we encourage you to conduct a friend audit today.
Then, if necessary, engage with common interest communities to find the right people. If you decide to conduct an audit, here are some questions to ask yourself about your current community.
Friend audit questionnaire…
Do you have common values?
It’s always a good idea to rally around people who have the same beliefs as you. It provides a common ground on which mutual understanding is fostered.
For example, you may be attracted to people in your profession, from the same faith community, or with a similar worldview.
Who is the smartest person in this room?
Consider how you will access good advice and whether you want to be close to mentors and colleagues who can share their knowledge and expertise on a particular topic.
Conversely, you can also mentor others. Believe it or not, everyone has wisdom to share, as the school of life is constantly teaching us. Your mentee will gain a lot from your skills and experience.
What about their general habits?
Evaluate the quality of their habits and whether you can tolerate their shortcomings or are strong enough to avoid falling into the same.
If you’re striving for a healthy life and longevity, you may not want to be around people who ignore their health. Otherwise, over time you may fall into that person’s habits, which can have a negative impact on your health.
Is their energy positive?
This is also a good question to ask yourself. Do they reflect your energy and enthusiasm? And do they uplift you and encourage you to do your best?
Surround yourself with friends who have a positive attitude and a growth mindset. They always know that the glass is half full, and more importantly, they make the most of any situation.
Are you asking each other the right questions?
Be open to people asking questions that challenge your assumptions, as long as the questions are asked in good faith. It can be beneficial for others to ask uncomfortable questions that make you think differently.
I’ve said a lot about shared views and beliefs, but you don’t always have to be a “yes man.” Sometimes the way someone else sees things can give you the light and perspective you need. So accept a little difference of opinion once in a while.
What I discovered…
If you already have good friends and the answer is mostly positive, I’m really happy for you. It takes time to make friends, and you can’t really force a relationship. You have to let it happen naturally and hope that you have made a connection that will take you on a journey together for the rest of your life.
Don’t miss out on the kind of person who makes his presence known without making too much noise, but who is always on time when you need him most. They aren’t always noisy, but their impact on your life is undeniable. These are helpers of fate.
To make sure you’re continually improving the overall health and quality of your friendships, it’s a good idea to conduct an audit from time to time.
Final thoughts…
The purpose of an audit is not necessarily to suddenly dismiss a specific person. Imagine if I wanted to stop being friends with Emily just because she asked me questions that upset me in my seat. What a loss that would be! If anything, her way of seeing the world, analyzing sensory information and verifying facts opened new doors for me. I learned to reflect that on others.
So get an audit to see what’s really going on. It’s also an opportunity to see how you can improve yourself to be better for others. Or it can help you ask what you need in a friendship. Because progress doesn’t happen in silos.
Either way, I’m rooting for you.
Source: Jamila Kyari – www.jamilakyari.com
