cup of joe leader Tiffany Weger Wong I’ve always wanted to have two weddings. “I’m a Malaysian-Chinese American who grew up in Queens, New York with just my mother,” she said. “My father and extended family are in Malaysia. I’ve always loved coming back because I have so many uncles, aunts, and cousins. My mother has nine siblings!” Tiffany knew it would be impossible for many of her relatives to make the 10,000-mile journey from Kuala Lumpur to New York. But it was important to her and her now husband, Ben, that both families be present at the wedding. The only solution? Please have two.
You may remember Tiffany’s post-proposal donut photo. Now she will guide us both Her beautiful wedding days…
“Ben and I met on a dating app during the height of the pandemic. I was living with my mom in Queens, he was in the Bronx, and we went on 10 Zoom dates over the course of two months. On our first date, he wore a suit, which I thought was funny. After the vaccine became widespread, we finally met in person and got engaged two years later.”
“We had our first wedding in 2024 at a restaurant in Brooklyn. rule of thirds. My father is from Malaysia. Ben is Jewish, so we wanted to incorporate traditions that his family loves. Ben broke the glass and received a beautiful challah cut by his father after the ceremony. We also signed a ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract that we drafted together. Now I hang it above my bed. ”
“Hosting a tea ceremony is a big custom in Chinese weddings to show respect to elders. It has a very specific order and can take a long time. We just weren’t aware of it. how It was so quiet for a long time that at one point Ben’s little nephew suddenly said, “When will it end?” That was really interesting. ”
“After the tea ceremony, the bride and groom are supposed to give red envelopes with money in them to their younger siblings, but neither of us had them. So Ben gave envelopes to his nieces and nephews, and I gave envelopes to my younger cousins, who are like my sister.”
“We found this plain arch on Facebook Marketplace and decorated it ourselves. We hung Ben’s grandfather’s tallit (prayer shawl) on it, because Ben’s grandparents are no longer alive, so it felt really meaningful to be there with them like this.”
“There’s a famous Chinese cover of a Cranberries song. dreamwritten by Faye Wong. I love both versions, but I grew up listening to it. When Ben and I started dating, we made playlists for each other and he put covers of them into his songs. We chose it as a recession song. The DJ played it the moment we kissed and it felt like fireworks. ”
“I think Hola was my favorite. It was so exciting. Both of our moms were screaming their heads off and it was so much fun. So was everyone.”
part 2
A year later, Ben and Tiffany flew to Kuala Lumpur for their second wedding…
“In Malaysia, before doing anything else, my mother and I had to go to a Buddhist temple and consult a monk who would tell us an auspicious date for the event. We gave our names, date of birth, and time of birth, and he gave us the date of June 14. My whole family One of my aunts hosted us for a welcome dinner, another hemmed my dress and found Ben’s wedding outfit. It makes me cry when I think of everything they did for us.”
“Ben and I wore traditional wedding attire for the first part of the day. Makua with him, Kura For me. It’s a little complicated to put on, but it’s very beautiful and intricate. The overall idea is “the more the better.” you want to do it – gold all”
“There’s a tradition called ‘gate busting’ where the groom and his attendants (and in our case, groomsmen) come to pick up the bride and the groomsmen challenge them to a series of difficult games to ‘win’ her. It’s like eating rice balls full of wasabi or doing calligraphy. And if you don’t complete the task, you have to pay the bridesmaids (literally!).
“I’m sure you feel a little uncomfortable about that, too. I said to my American friends, ‘Follow my cousins. You’ll see, they will.’ request money. ‘It’s just a real performance. The groomsmen will say, “Oh, we’re out of money!” Then the bridesmaids say, “No problem, we’ll bring Venmo!” Receive USD! Pay! ”
“One of the challenges was this very complicated yoga pose. Remember, it was 95 degrees outside. I was upstairs in my air-conditioned bedroom watching on FaceTime.”
“Finally, the groom comes through a closed door to declare his love for the bride. I expected Ben to just say the English version of Mandarin, but he writes his own personal speech, asks one of his relatives to help him, and gives it to me. I was shocked and very moved because it’s not an easy language to learn. Everyone cheered and I just started crying.”
“After the gate-busting incident, we prayed at my aunt’s shrine and then had a tea ceremony. The Brooklyn one seemed long at the time, but it was actually quite short compared to it. We served tea to all the uncles, aunts, and older cousins, and gave red envelopes to all the younger ones.”
“The last part of the ceremony is for the bride to leave her childhood home to go back to her husband’s home. Because of tradition, we did the send-off part. My mom put me in the car and started crying as if we were really leaving, when in reality my cousin was just driving us around the block. I was like, ‘Mom, I’ll see you in five minutes!'”
“The second half of the day was the wedding reception. We had it at a beautiful local restaurant. Chinese weddings are all about the food. There’s no dancing and toasts like in America. It’s a grand eight-course meal. We just want everyone to have fun.”
“this is largely All my cousins. Believe it or not, I have more! ”
“My husband and I don’t usually give big speeches, but I wanted to take this opportunity to tell my family how much this means to me.As a third-culture child, I always felt a little out of place.My mother and I are the only ones in my family who don’t live in Malaysia. So not only did they embrace my husband with open arms, but I’m so excited that they were so involved and doing this for us, and it gave me a sense of belonging, and I can’t wait for Ben and I to give that to our own kids as well. ”
Tiffany and Ben, thank you so much. we hope you So lots of happiness.
PS Check out more wedding stories, including sneaker-wearing City Hall weddings and hilarious wedding day mishaps.
(Brooklyn wedding photos: Carissa Joy. malaysian wedding photography jeremy moment. )
Source: Cup of Jo – cupofjo.com
