When Zoya Biglery came out nearly a decade ago, she struggled to find a story that reflected her experience.
As a queer Middle Eastern woman, many of the resources she encountered felt disconnected from the reality she was navigating. While there were articles about coming out and LGBTQ+ acceptance, few addressed the close family relationships, cultural expectations, and deep-rooted feelings of shame that can complicate the process, especially for many people from Middle Eastern backgrounds.
Today, Biglary wants to change that.
creator, entrepreneur, founder of seafood We have released a new e-book, It’s Not a Big Thing: A Guide to Coming Outis a free resource designed to help LGBTQ+ people navigate one of the most emotional and life-changing moments of their lives. This guide is written for people who are struggling with coming out, and is heavily inspired by conversations Biglary has had over the years with queer people in Middle Eastern communities who rarely see their stories reflected in mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces.
Inspired by thousands of conversations
For Biglary, the idea for the book didn’t come from a publishing deal or a long-term business plan. It was born out of years of responding to messages.
“There’s literally not a day that goes by that I don’t receive at least one DM from a Middle Eastern child or a Middle Eastern parent of a gay child asking for advice,” Biglery said.
Those messages and the need for answers can no longer be ignored. People were looking for an outlet, a resource to guide them.
As time went on, she realized that many people were asking the same questions she once had. How do you tell your family? What if they don’t understand? What do you do with the fear, guilt, and anxiety that build up before coming out? And perhaps most importantly, will it ever get easier?
Although there are countless articles, videos, and guides available online, Biglary felt that many of them failed to address the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ people who grew up in a culture where family reputation, community perception, and tradition play an important role.
“There was very little that really conveyed what it’s like to have this intense family background, a very close-knit culture that really avoids shame and what other people say,” she explained.
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A personal guide, not a textbook
The result is a guide that feels less like a textbook and more like a conversation with someone who has already studied it.
Throughout the e-book, Biglery shares practical advice along with his life story. She opens up about the years she spent hiding her identity, the fear she felt before coming out to her family, and the loneliness she felt when she wasn’t immediately accepted.
“I felt very alone,” she said. “I wish there was something like the book I’m publishing then.”
That honesty is part of what makes this guide so resonant. Biglery doesn’t promise all coming out stories will be easy, nor does he think acceptance will happen overnight. In fact, one of the central messages of this book is that healing often takes time.
Coming out didn’t happen overnight.
one of the most powerful parts no big deal That said, Biglery is willing to share his own story.
Long before she became a successful creator, entrepreneur, and happily married woman with hundreds of thousands of followers, Biglery spent years wondering whether to come out.
She knew she was gay for nearly a decade before telling her parents. During that time, fear, guilt, and shame often outweighed her desire to live openly. She had carefully planned out what she wanted to say, but actually saying the words felt impossible.
“I was no match for the shame and deep guilt that attacked me every day,” Biglery wrote. “It took a long time.”
The moment that ultimately changed everything came on a chaotic flight home from a trip. When the plane suddenly fell into the air, Biglery thought he might die.
Instead of thinking about work and unfinished goals, her mind went somewhere else entirely.
“I thought, ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m going to die and my family doesn’t even know who I am,'” she recalls.
The next day she told her mother.
What followed was not immediate rejection, but neither was it immediate acceptance. Biglery said she watched her parents struggle to reconcile the future they had envisioned for her with their shared reality. They loved her, but understanding and acceptance took time.
“I got to see them go through the stages of mourning me and the thoughts they had about me in real time,” she said.
Those difficult years were the driving force behind this book. Biglary hopes readers currently experiencing that uncertainty can take comfort in knowing their stories are still being written.
Now, she’s married to her wife, food creator Alix Trager, and surrounded by a family that once struggled to understand their identity. The couple also made From A to Zis a YouTube series that combines reality television and comedy to follow their marriage, family relationships, and daily adventures.
Looking back, Biglery says she wishes she had access to resources that would remind her that acceptance, happiness, and peace are still possible.
“I wish there had been something like the books I was publishing at the time,” she said. “At least to make people think, ‘Hey, no, someone who looks like me and is in the same situation as me did it, and she’s very happy and she’s okay now.'”
That sense of hope is woven throughout. no big deal Biglary comes out not because he believes it’s easy, but because he knows firsthand that life on the other side is worth it.
why is it called that no big deal
At first glance, no big deal It may seem contradictory. After all, Biglery knows better than anyone that coming out can feel like the biggest deal in the world.
But she describes the title as a sign of optimism.
“It’s almost like a manifestation,” she said. “We know this is a really big problem, but we want you to believe that it’s not that big of a problem.”
For Biglary, the phrase represents a world she hopes to inherit for future generations, where LGBTQ+ people aren’t forced into great fear to just be themselves.
Prepare with self-love in mind
The core of this guide focuses on preparation, self-love, and helping readers understand that there is life and joy on the other side of fear.
One lesson she keeps coming back to is the importance of building a strong foundation of self-esteem before tackling difficult conversations with family and loved ones. Self-love, she argues, can be an anchor when everything else feels uncertain.
“It may sound very cliché, but self-love is so important, because like a tree, when you’re being shaken. If self-love is your root, then when this very difficult experience starts to shake you and the leaves fall and the branches fall, if your roots are really good, you’ll be okay.”
Biglary hopes that readers will leave this guide feeling more prepared for what comes next, but also understand that its value does not depend on other people’s reactions.
Make your resources freely available to everyone
She also wanted the guide to be accessible to anyone who needed it.
Rather than release a traditional book, Biglary has chosen to make this project a free digital download format. Readers can access it privately from their phone, tablet, or computer without worrying about cost or leaving a paper trail.
“We didn’t want to put a cost barrier to entry for people,” Biglery said. “We just made it free for people to enjoy.”
For someone who has spent years searching for expression, this project is ultimately about making sure others don’t have to struggle to find it.
Biglary knows that there are still queer people around the world, especially in communities in the Middle East, who feel isolated, fearful, and convinced that no one understands what they’re going through. If her guide can make even one person feel seen, her job is done.
“I really hope this is a little guide to make a scary process a little less scary,” she said. “It’s so people know they’re not alone.”
How to access ebooks
“You’re about to read a book about coming out to your Middle Eastern family. So you’re already braver than you think.”
in no big dealBiglary shares her personal coming out journey with 10 practical exercises designed to help readers navigate their own path toward self-acceptance and freedom. From learning how to accept who you are to preparing for difficult conversations and what may come next, this guide provides thoughtful advice, encouragement, and tools to approach the coming out process with (some degree of) confidence.
have access to books here.
Source: Gayety – gayety.com
