On the winter morning I turned 40, not much had changed. Last time I checked, I was still job hunting, so I hadn’t won the lottery or won a huge amount of money to support myself. I learned to enjoy my own existence while dealing with the loneliness of being a single woman and confusingly striving toward my aspirations. Essentially, there was no magic, no drama, no intrigue. Only peace. This is what it means to age gracefully at 40.
When I woke up in a small chalet in an old inn and spa, I felt very aware and in tune with the woman I had become. And although everything wasn’t perfect, I realized that I had finally become the person I wanted to be: a confident, independent woman with a strong sense of purpose. It hit me when I was serenaded by my own thoughts. I was truly alone, secure, and content with life as it was. Growing up and getting older wasn’t entirely a bad thing, after all.
Just before my birthday, I began to feel deeply satisfied with who I was. About 30 days later, I went on a journey of reflection, gratitude, and becoming more quiet in order to uncover some of the life lessons I will take with me into the future. Between the tension between where I have been, where I am, and where I want to be, there was a lot of wisdom to glean.
I realized that looking back and taking inventory is important to building momentum for the future. It also helps in the process of aging gracefully at 40 years old. Before you rush to set goals or make plans for a new era, it’s important to pause and ask a few questions. What has actually worked for me in the past year or decade? Even if I look good, what has drained my energy? What version of myself emerged when things got difficult and uncomfortable? What mistakes did I make that I can learn and improve on?
The real value of your past is not just the highlights of great things that happened to you. The clarity and fresh perspective you gain is also important. This is where real change actually happens. In the process of quieting my mind, I learned a lot about overcoming uncertainty in life and reconnected with what is truly important to me. I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote in my journal some things to do and think about as we start a new decade. I thought about all this on a quiet morning in the chalet. If you’re over 30, it might be helpful.
Avoid vanity goals (or metrics)
In marketing, the term “vanity metrics” refers to numbers that may look good or impressive on the surface, but often hide what lies beneath the surface, often more important details. The same goes for goals. When we set big goals, we most often do so to appeal to our ego, based on how impressive it will be to ourselves or others, or how we want to feel when we accomplish it. In other words, that goal is unrealistic because either our abilities are overestimated or it doesn’t come from an authentic place within us that we want it for the right reasons. In this scenario, it’s easier to burn out and become discouraged while pursuing your goals than to feel changed or positively impacted. As this year approaches, I’ve decided that rather than trying to cross something off my dream bucket list, it’s far more important to embrace the simplicity of life, even if it means being bored, and be happy and healthy in the process.
define non-negotiables
The good thing about defining non-negotiables is that they are based on some experience. Hopefully by now you have gotten what you absolutely want in life. If not, you’re probably pretty sure what you don’t want. Pursue in your heart what is important to you. Make sure these things are not temporary pursuits, but ones that bring you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Put aside those that don’t. For example, you may decide that it is better for you to choose a career that feeds your soul and creativity, even though it pays less, than one that pays well but drains all your energy. After all, life is too short to focus on things that don’t bring you joy. This is a good time to pay more attention to nurturing enriching moments and experiences than to acquiring material things. It’s okay to want what you want. Remember to define what is negotiable and what is not according to the parameters you decide.
strictly guard your attention
Your time is valuable, but not everyone deserves your attention. Manage your time elegantly. Learn to quickly recognize people who don’t respect your boundaries or what you represent, and celebrate them with both silence and absence. This includes not only people but also energy-draining activities like doomscrolling on social media. Trade screen time for face time. If no one else is nearby, you can spend more time alone and enjoy your own company.
ignore many obstacles in life
As I said earlier, not everything in life is perfect. Everyone experiences varying degrees of impairment. Sometimes it can be tough to deal with. When it reaches its peak, you can decide to distance yourself from people, things, and events that cause you to malfunction, both in and out of your life. You need it for our own sanity. If you can’t completely escape it, try setting boundaries to protect your peace of mind. Remember, you can’t control what’s happening around you, but you can control how you react to it and limit its impact.
train your brain to consume the right things
“Garbage in, garbage out” is a common saying, and this is especially true as we get older. You become everything you consume, which ultimately forms your reality. Your mind and thoughts are often a reflection of what it consumes. It’s important to train your brain by consuming healthy, positive content that nourishes your mind and uplifts your emotions. Listen to inspiring podcasts and learn new things about life, career, and business. You can also read a combination of fiction and nonfiction that has a great message. Avoid watching video content that is violent, derogatory, or emotional in nature.
ensure financial security
If something happens and you can’t work for six months to a year, will you still be able to pay your bills? This is an important question, but many people don’t have a solution. You should think about the answer while you are younger than retirement age. You can absolutely want more in life, but while you’re at it, stay grounded in the present and be happy with what you have.
enjoy life to the fullest
Looking back, you may have realized that you really have come a long way. Even if you aren’t where you wanted to be right now, you may agree that you overcame some setbacks and overcame many obstacles to become who you are today. Be proud of it. enjoy it. Celebrate your accomplishments.
So, with a sigh, I interrupted my thoughts and moved from my comfortable bed across the cozy carpeted interior to the couch in the living room, where I sat and stared out the window at Canada’s stunning winter landscape. I was encouraged to have hope. And I told myself to believe in the future.
It is very difficult to trust the results when the process is unknown. Yet, the only way to truly move forward is to take small steps and put one foot in front of the other. You may not know the whole plan, you may not be able to see the whole blueprint of your life, but you have to believe that things will work out in your favor, including all the misfortunes. Find the silver lining in every situation and always keep the glass half full. Lean into the hope of your calling. Live to create a lasting legacy that will always be felt. Finally, live your life with a strong sense of purpose.
Source: Jamila Kyari – www.jamilakyari.com
