If you want someone to convince you to stop using social media, I’m not your girlfriend. I’m not saying you should delete Instagram, or put a timer on your TikTok, or criticize society for making TikTok such a big part of your life. There’s nothing wrong with these approaches, and each has its own benefits, but I share a different perspective.
Social media is already a part of our lives, but I’d rather spend my energy learning how to use it better than pretending it’s gone. The goal is not perfection. It’s about maximizing reward while minimizing risk.
How can we achieve that? Social media positivity. I share how to enhance the feel-good effect of social media (it really exists!) and offer tips that will help you feel more connected, empowered, and inspired every time you open the app.
If you can walk away from this article having learned one thing, I hope it is this. Using social media in a passive manner is one of the biggest causes of the feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction that we often associate with our feeds. It makes sense logically, but it’s backed up by research. Lurking, scrolling for hours without interacting, consuming endless content without engaging, often ends up feeling even more empty than when you started.
Social media is meant to be social.
Humans are wired for connection. After all, we are social creatures. Using social media to connect on a deeper level can help you feel less alone and actually support your mental health. How you use social media has a huge impact on how you feel when you log off.
don’t be a voyeur
A few years ago, I listened to an interview between psychologist and author Guy Winch and psychotherapist Esther Perel. Their conversation completely changed the way I think about social media.
One of Guy Winch’s biggest lessons was that loneliness doesn’t necessarily come from social media itself, but from the passive way many of us use social media. We skim into other people’s lives without commenting, posting, or engaging. We observe rather than participate.
And that’s what matters. Connection requires interaction. If you just look at others, you miss the opportunity to be seen yourself.
Engage, engage, engage.
If I follow you on social media, trust me you’ll hear from me at some point. Even if we’ve met once, haven’t talked in years, or even if you’ve built an audience of hundreds of thousands, chances are I’ll eventually leave a thoughtful comment or send you a message.
It’s hard not to get hooked, especially after hearing Guy Winch’s insights. It’s one of the reasons Diane Cali and I have such inside jokes, and it’s one of the reasons I received a personal book recommendation from Ryan Holiday.
Let’s borrow the words of those in the know. Consistently communicating and engaging with other people’s content (in a kind, respectful way) turns scrolling from passive to truly social.
Don’t underestimate the power of the DM. Some of my favorite conversations started when someone sent me a post that reminded them of me or responded to a story with a thoughtful comment. These private conversations often feel more meaningful than what’s happening in the comments.
I made a promise to myself a long time ago: If I see something beautiful, I won’t tangle my tongue.
Spread positivity on social media
A specific, heartfelt and genuine compliment can make a person’s day, week, and even change the way they think about themselves. Remember, your words have power.
I made a promise to myself a long time ago: If I see something beautiful, I won’t tangle my tongue. Whatever you call the opposite of a social media troll (social media fairy?), that’s what I’m aiming for.
One of my favorite ways to spread that energy is to actively leave kind (and it’s true!) reviews on Google about restaurants, coffee shops, or local businesses that have made my day a little brighter. We all have more influence than we realize.
Limit social media around loved ones
I So I’m guilty of this. I often find myself in a zombie-like state, mindlessly scrolling right next to my husband. Time flies by and you end up feeling a strange sense of emptiness, loneliness, or alienation. Sound familiar?
Researchers have given this behavior a name: phubbing. This is ignoring someone in favor of your call. It is associated with decreased relationship satisfaction and increased feelings of loneliness. Now, when I find myself doing that, I put down my phone and try to be at my feet. Social media is here to stay.
please show me the real you
I have a favorite quote from Arlan Hamilton, the author of “I’ve never seen anything like this before.” It’s fucking timea constant reminder of how important it is to show your true self both online and in real life.
“Be yourself so that the people who are looking for you can find you.”
We will never be able to document our real lives on social media. And to be honest, I don’t think that’s the goal. Some moments are too personal to share. Instead of trying to prove that life isn’t perfect, I think there’s value in sharing what feels truly meaningful to you. A glimpse of real life reminds us that there’s always more going on beyond the squares on the screen.
Use social media to know yourself better
Have you ever saved a post, video, or reel without ever referencing it? A treasure trove of inspiration is waiting for you. Review your saved posts from time to time, move your favorite images to Pinterest, delete ideas that no longer resonate, and pay attention to themes that keep resurfacing. This is one of my favorite ways to better understand what I’m drawn to creatively and personally.
But here’s the important part. Inspiration doesn’t stay in your saved folder forever. Whether it’s the recipe you finally made, the room you redecorated, the book you read, or the project you decided to start, turn it into something.
Teach the algorithm what it needs
Every follow, save, comment, and “not interested” tap is a vote for the type of internet you want to experience. Algorithms are not fixed and are constantly learning from user behavior. If your feed is feeling anxious, negative, or just plain uninspired, take a week to intentionally engage with creators who make you feel curious, hopeful, grounded, and joyful. You might be surprised at how quickly your online experience starts to change.
get an education
One of my favorite things about social media is that there is so much to learn. Discover new recipes in one minute and dive into NASA’s latest discoveries the next. Curating your feed with people who can genuinely teach you something will make scrolling feel much more rewarding.
Express yourself using social media
We all have a deep desire to be seen and understood. It’s simply part of being human. Amanda Palmer said it best: “There’s a difference between wanting attention and wanting to be seen.” It’s great to express yourself and share parts of your life. There’s no shame in wanting to contribute to the conversation.
Use social media as a creative outlet
Do you have any hobbies that you are passionate about? Creating an account based on a niche interest, or creating a Substack, Pinterest board, or online community can be incredibly fulfilling. Sometimes it’s easier to find someone online than in everyday life. I’ve started more Instagram side projects than I can count, and I can confidently say that I wouldn’t be writing this article if it weren’t for these creative endeavors.
curate your experience
Unfollow wisely
If someone is giving you funny feelings or their content no longer resonates with you, unfollow them. To be clear, I’m not suggesting unfollowing people simply because they have a different opinion than you. In fact, I try to do the opposite. There is much to learn from perspectives and experiences different from ours.
But trust your instincts. If someone’s content constantly makes you feel like there’s not enough in your life or sends you into a spiral of comparison, it’s okay to leave them alone. There is value in preserving your peace.
share what inspires you
We all influence someone, whether we realize it or not. The question is not whether you have influence, but how you use it. I found some of my favorite books, artists, recipes, and ideas because friends decided to share them online. I hope to do the same for someone else.
Think of these as small rituals. These are simple enough to practice every day, but over time they will completely change the way you feel about social media.
1. Set an intention before opening the app.
Ask yourself: why am i here? Want to be closer to your friends? Looking for dinner inspiration? Laugh? Learn something new? When you come to work with a purpose, it’s much easier to leave feeling fulfilled instead of exhausted.
2. Please leave one genuine comment.
If something made you smile, taught you something, or inspired you, please tell the creator. Thoughtful comments are one of the easiest ways to turn passive scrolling into real connections.
3. Send one DM.
Share a post remembering a friend, celebrate someone’s milestone, or simply check in. Some of the best parts of social media happen in private conversations.
4. Save only what you actually use.
Instead of saving everything, ask yourself: Would I realistically go back to this? A small, carefully selected collection of inspiration is far more valuable than thousands of forgotten archives.
5. Tell the algorithm what more you want.
Like, save, comment and explore content that inspires you. Once you’re in comparison mode, tap “Not interested.” Your feed is constantly learning from you.
6. Notice how your body feels.
Please take a short break while scrolling. Do you feel energized? Are you curious? tense? Are you jealous? Have you calmed down? Your body often notices changes before your mind does.
7. Share something because it’s meaningful, not because it performs well.
Whether it’s a favorite recipe, a beautiful walk, or a thought you can’t stop thinking about, make your posts reflect what’s important to you, not what other people want to see.
8. Unfollow one account that is no longer serving you.
People change. Interests change. You don’t owe anyone a permanent spot on your feed if their content consistently offends you.
9. Turn inspiration into action.
Cook recipes. Please read the book. Visit a coffee shop. Try training. Social media is most effective when it inspires real life, not replaces it.
10. Know when you’re bored.
Close the app while you feel like it. The goal is not to squeeze every last drop out of your feed, but to leave with something that adds value to your day.
Social media is neither inherently good nor bad. It is a tool that reflects how we use it. When you approach it with more intention, generosity, and curiosity, connections become more important than comparisons.
That’s the version of the internet I want to create. If that makes me a social media fairy, I’ll gladly take that title.
Source: Camille Styles – camillestyles.com
