Passive Aggressive Work Emails With My Toddler About Dinner

One of our favorite newsletters is Hurrah, A la carte, Hang up the phoneAnd of course, Big Salad 😉 — Beth Kalb Grudge ReportShe writes about fashion, movies, Judaism, politics, and raising two young children, and her topics always make me laugh and think.

By the way, here are some Send work emails in bulk Beth and her young child discussed dinner…

Hello Goof!
Think again about whether or not you want to eat pesto noodles at 6pm.
thank you!
Mom

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Oh sorry, I just saw this and since MTG is coming up, maybe I should go ahead and reset it.
Sorry about that, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.
Goof

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If it’s still available, that’s fine!
The pesto is always ready and waiting. Would you like me to carry you to your chair or can you walk over?
Ma

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Hey mom,
Honestly, is there kale in pesto?
Please advise.
G

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Hello, G!
We can definitely check that out, but in the meantime, for your convenience, can we get started?
Ma

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Wait until you confirm.

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Hey Goof,
Ok, so I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we’re hearing the pesto is the best ever. Everyone is super excited about it (even your dad, who I won’t name names). I’m so glad I was lucky enough to get you and the noodles in the same room. As for the kale, it looks like the answer is yes. Either way, we think it’s definitely the right move strategically from an overall standpoint regarding growth/digestion/etc.
You need to take a bath at 6:30pm so you decide first to have the pesto at 6:15pm.

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Hey!
I totally agree. Unfortunately I have some personal issues on my side and I don’t think it will work out. I hate to do this but I probably won’t make it by 6:30pm either. Please send bath a message apologizing.
The best,
Goof

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Hello Goof.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve had some personal conflicts. I hope all is well, we’re rooting for you. Unfortunately I’ve heard that visitation isn’t flexible, and unfortunately the bath is also booked for 6.45pm so can’t be booked for the baby (again, not normally a name-dropper!).
There has been one development – I’ve been informed that if things change I’ll be able to watch episode one of Bluey on the iPad at 6.15pm, but (sorry, they were really adamant about this) I’ll have to eat in order to watch it.
thank you,
mother

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Oh, that changes things. Maybe in episode 2?
G

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Great!! Unfortunately only one because later the bath was double booked.
very sorry!
Mom

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hair
-Bug

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That’s great! Enjoy the rest of your evening!!

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You too.
See you at 3am

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Until next time!!!

Beth Kalb He is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer and best-selling children’s book author. Buffalo FluffaloShe also My son’s kindergarten graduation speech, Common illnesses in young childrenand Luggage left behind on your child’s first day of schoolin the Substack Newsletter. The Grudge Report.

P.S. Joanna’s funny notes about kids and how to get your kids to eat their veggies.

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