Every few years, one of my kids will burst into tears about school. “The days are too long,” they’ll complain. “Why can’t I just stay home in the morning?” they might ask. Or, “When do the holidays start?”
At times like these, I’m grateful for the advice Jenny Rosenstrach shared with me a decade ago: When her daughter was struggling socially in middle school, she called her own mother and told her.
My mother told me what I already knew: I had to oversee this case, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one. It was time to let my kids figure it out for themselves. But in the kind of blunt tone she would use on perhaps her most unruly clients (she was a real estate lawyer), she gave me one specific way to help: “When your daughters walk through that door every day, you just have to make sure they have no doubt that home is the place they feel most comfortable. That’s what you can do.”
Home is where they feel most safe. Often this comes naturally. But there are a few extra little things we’ve done during these difficult times…
Meet them after school with cookies.
Take a short walk around your neighborhood and say hello to people you know.
Or literally stop and smell the flowers.
Let’s imitate each other, which is always a big hit. (Here, Anton imitates me: “I’m stressed out at work! Hey, check out this funny Instagram! Why doesn’t anyone put their shoes away? This wine is organic. Kamala Harris!”)
Throw the ball at a wall (it doesn’t matter whether it’s the ball or the wall).
Invite the ladies in your neighborhood.
Watch your favorite episodes Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
Play a game (maybe Who could it be? or Tenji).
Remember when a reader named Beth shared this great approach: “When my kids are upset, Nachos Today was “nachos day” so I had nachos for dinner… you know what I mean? Sometimes talking about the bad things that happened that day while eating a salty, cheesy meal can really help turn things around.”
What would you add? Reading a book on the couch? Mamma Mia Soundtrack? More cuddles before bed? xoxo
PS How to help a stoic child be emotionally open and the four stages of parenting.
Source: Cup of Jo – cupofjo.com
