When musician Mike Maimone was 41 years old, he never imagined he would become a widow. In his new book, guess what? I love youchronicling the deep love story he shared with his late husband, legendary publicist Howard Bragman.
Maimone reveals how grief shattered everything she thought she understood about life. When I lost my husband to cancer, he not only lost a loved one, but also the future we had envisioned, the ability to dream, and sometimes even a sense of self.
“What I didn’t expect was that grief, as disorienting as it was, could also be a gateway. It’s not a way to escape pain, but a way through it.”
Three years after losing her “forever,” Maimone says she was surprised to rediscover meaning, purpose, and even beauty after such a profound loss. Below are the five steps he believes helped him begin his healing journey.
1. Acknowledge your sadness
The first step was the most difficult. I surrendered to the concept of being in mourning. People can be very direct. Some asked when I would start dating again, others just wanted to know if I had at least gotten a happy ending massage yet. These questions were more about “moving forward” than “moving forward.”
We live in a culture that treats grief like a problem to be solved. But sadness is not the problem. It’s the love we still feel without the intended recipient. And that is the price we pay for loving deeply. When you allow yourself to live in it, sit in the mire and accept it without judgment or timeline, you honor the magnitude of what you have lost. That honesty is the foundation for everything that follows.
2. Keep your connections open
Grief can lead to feelings of isolation. Again, our culture does not provide a healthy outlet to express grief. we shouldn’t talk about it. Trying to be true about the one reality we all have in common makes people visibly uncomfortable.
However, healing rarely occurs alone. Whether it’s with close friends, family, therapy, or strangers who have walked the same path, connections remind us that we are still part of the world. You are just living each moment with your sadness.
3. Say yes to possibilities
For a while, everyday life feels strange. It’s like cheating on a loved one who has passed away when you are finally able to smile again. Establishing a new routine can seem impossible alone. So please stop. Instead, focus on the small yeses.
Go for an intentional walk. Just walk without your phone, notice what’s around you, and really think about what you’re seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing, and feeling. If something reminds you of a loved one, embrace it. Tell them about it. Say it in your head or out loud if you feel like it.
Start doing all kinds of creative projects, like painting, gardening, learning Photoshop, or playing an instrument. YouTube has a wealth of tutorials. You can also find community centers offering in-person classes.
Start a “Morning Page” diary. Start your day by writing three pages of anything, even if you don’t know what to write or don’t feel like writing. Start there and follow that path until you have three pages of random thoughts. You’ll be amazed at how they evolve over weeks, months, and years.
Go on a short trip to refresh your environment. These small choices won’t erase the sadness, but they will gently expand your world again. Over time, those small yeses can lead to bigger yeses. Before you know it, your life begins to open up in ways you never imagined.
4. Creating meaning from loss
Growth does not come from sadness itself. It comes from what we do with it. For me, that meant finding a way to tell my story, write music, and honor my late husband and the love we experienced. For others, it might be advocacy or volunteer work. Making meaning turns loss into something significant.
5. Allow yourself to become a new person.
Grief changes you. You can’t go back to who you were before. That can feel scary. But it can also be an invitation. Continue the love, lessons, and resilience you have discovered. And yes, you are resilient. You made it through the worst and are still here.
Now it’s up to you to decide who you will become. Growing up doesn’t mean letting go of the past. It means integrating it into a more complete and expanded self. My “eternal person” will always be a part of my story. So is my love for him and the sadness that comes with it.
When we allow all three to coexist, we begin to see that even in the deepest sense of loss, there may be a meaningful and vibrant life ahead of us.
Source: Gayety – gayety.com
