Cameroonian LGBTQ activist shares journey of resilience, healing, and authenticity

Bandi Kiki, a Cameroonian LGBTQ activist and a media personality currently living in the UK, has married Jenny, a Nigerian partner.

Kiki, who came out as a gay man in 2017, said in a March 25th that she became “married and Ijohd.”

Ijo is a Nigerian tribe where Jenny begins.

“For many people, we are expected to celebrate love. But for us in the LGBTQ+ community, our love is often questioned as if it requires justification,” Kiki told the Washington Blade in an exclusive interview.

And she was a journey of resilience, healing and credibility.

In this exclusive interview, Kiki shares her story as a gay man who grew up in Cameroonian society, which considers gay relationships fundamentally flawed and patently sinful, and still considers them.

“Faced with social awareness and expectations, it required both resilience and self-discovery,” she said.

“In the beginning I felt like I was being asked to justify my identity, my relationships, and even joy. There were moments of doubt, isolation, and deep frustration,” Kiki told Blade.

“As time passed, I became more confident about who I was. I found a sense of self that didn’t depend on the approval of others anymore.”

Here is an excerpt from the conversation:

blade: Despite the general social and cultural stigma about homosexuals in Cameroon, where you are from, what inspired you to take this step and openly celebrate your love?

Kiki: When asked why I chose to openly celebrate my love, I couldn’t help but wonder. Many people are expected to celebrate love. But for us in the LGBTQ+ community, it is often questioned, as if our love requires justification.

Coming from a culture where being LGBTQ+ is still badly condemned, I spent so much time trying to hide or reduce my part. That’s why marrying my partner is not just a legal right. It’s about joy, truth, and visibility. Our love is to show that it is just as real as it is worth celebrating like everyone else. It’s about choosing courage over healing and fear.

blade: What does this marriage mean to you personally and culturally?

Kiki: Marriage is a fundamental human right for everyone of marriageable age, regardless of sexuality. It’s not just a legal bond, it’s not just a coincidence of time, but a quiet vow to age with someone by choice every day. Culturally, I think marriage is one of the beginnings of family.

blade: How did your love story start with your partner?

Kiki: Our love stories began in the most modern way. We met online. I wasn’t expecting much, but from our first conversation, something felt easy. She quickly picked up one thing about me. I talk a lot about food. In other words, a lot. Especially about how much I craved Waakye, one of my favorite Ghanaian meals.

Right after our first date at the restaurant it worked incredibly well so she asked me to come to her house for surprise. Naturally, my mind wandered through certain possibilities. But when I got there she took out a large bag filled with Waakye takeaway bowls she had ordered just because I had passed it and said.

At that moment I knew this was something special. This wasn’t just food. That was to be asked. It was about someone who had enough care to hear what I said and remembered it. That simple gesture taught me everything. She paid attention. She took action. She showed love not just with words but with thoughtful details.

That was the moment she paid my full attention. And honestly, she’s been having it ever since.

blade: Explain your life at home.

Kiki: We are both women and our marriages do not operate in traditional gender roles. No “husbands” or “wifes” are in a lesbian relationship, regardless of how either partner presents themselves in terms of fashion or style. In our marriage, we are equal partners who appear for each other in a way that feels right for us. I love food and cook because I cook well. My wife handles the cleaning. This works perfectly because I really hate it.

blade: At what point in your life, it happened to you that you are more leaning towards same-sex relationships, and given that Cameroon was given a dislike for homosexuality, how did you get to date fellow women in those early days?

Kiki: When my teenager, friends were thinking about boys, I was thinking about girls. When I finally had the courage to seek love, it was all about “understanding and reaction.” I do great things for them, hoping they see me as more than just a friend and probably feel the same way about me. If they did that, they would always be denied if they wanted to kick me out. It has spent a lot of time, energy and emotions on me, but in an environment like Cameroon, queer people develop a variety of tools to deal with. I will not go into more detail for the safety of those returning to my hometown.

blade: How has your journey been in navigating social perceptions and expectations?

Kiki: Honestly, it was extremely challenging, especially right after I came out. But it was totally worth it. It might have been easy to stay in the closet, but it would have spent my mental health and the opportunity to live my truth.

Faced with social awareness and expectations, both resilience and self-discovery were required. At first, I felt like I was always asked to justify my identity, my relationships, and even joy. There were moments of doubt, isolation, and deep frustration.

Over time, I grew up with confidence in who I was. I have found a sense of self that is no longer dependent on the approval of my community, my chosen family, and the other person. I accept that not everyone understands my path now. That’s fine. Most importantly, I do it.

blade: How would you hope that your story will affect others in similar situations?

Kiki: I hope my story offers comfort to those alone or invisible. I want others in similar situations to know that their feelings are valid and that they are not the only ones navigating this journey. There is hope in knowing that even in difficult circumstances, quiet resilience is strong and staying true to yourself is powerful even in small ways. If anyone could see themselves in my story and feel a little more understood, it was worth sharing it.

blade: What advice would you give to individuals who may be struggling to accept or express themselves?

Kiki: please take it easy. Your safety and happiness are just as important as your truth. Self-acceptance is not race. It’s a process and you can do it at your own pace. Find a safe space. When you’re ready, express yourself in a way that feels right for you, no matter how small it is. There’s no way to be you. And there’s no shame in survival.

Killian Ngala is a freelance journalist in Yaoundé, Cameroon.