excerpt Yoga of Self-Love
introduction
One day, as a teenager in India, I was watching a television show where different poets were reading their works in Hindi. A woman was reading a poem called “Box of Pain.” She was talking about how many women become boxes of pain over time, from the hurt they have accumulated throughout their lives. I vowed to never become one of them, and instead, I decided to become a box of joy and positivity. So I made a list of things I needed to do to get there and live happily.
My reaction was not unusual. In fact, scientists and prophets alike have said that humans are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. We do everything we can to control our lives and create safeguards. But pain has its own blessings, and Mother Nature has her own way of bestowing them upon us. And if we are wise, we will accept them.
Despite my desire to be happy, in my 40s I began battling pain. What started as mild restlessness turned into anxiety and obsession over the course of a few months, followed by deep feelings of despair.
Growing up in India with little education about mental health, I didn’t understand what was going on inside of me. I had also just started my meditation and self-awareness studio, Full Bloomed Lotus, and was moving my small meditation and discussion groups from my home to a rented space to grow my audience. So every day, I did what I believed was the right choice: suppressing my negative emotions, going out into the world, and doing what needed to be done.
Swiss philosopher and psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, “Your destiny awaits you on the path you choose to avoid it.” So the more I looked away, the deeper I fell into the pain I wanted to escape. Months went by, and just when I thought I’d never find joy again, I had a breakthrough. The key to healing was revealed in a dream that revealed a disconnect between my adult self and the child I’d never known existed within me. At the dream’s climax, we were reunited, and for the first time in my life, I experienced the joy of wholeness.
Inspired by that dream, I dug into my childhood, unearthing stories that needed resolution and pain that needed to be released. Applying insights from spiritual teachings and using my imagination, I devised a variety of exercises to pave the way for healing, restructuring my thoughts and emotions to integrate my inner child, my true self. This also helped me to gain independence from an overbearing mother whose intense love had prevented me from finding myself.
The inner child is our true essence, a drop of divinity, the way nature created us. The inner adult, our ego, is our personal manager with which we negotiate the outside world. Throughout life, by internalizing our failures and people’s judgments of us, or by comparing ourselves to others, the inner adult unconsciously undermines and rejects this deeper, truer self.
When we engage with our inner child, we heal and reclaim the wounded and neglected parts of ourselves. This doesn’t mean that everything in our natural self is perfect. Like everything in nature, such as rivers and mountains, humans were created with potential, not perfection. And just like we build dams to conserve and redirect water, or dig tunnels to create passageways, the role of the inner adult is to understand and appreciate our primary natural resource, ourselves, and work with it to intentionally and powerfully channel our light.
As I continued on this path of self-discovery, I met so many people, women and men, who had different stories than me, but who were essentially going through the same struggles. We were all in the process of transitioning from the first half of our lives, where we were guided by our conditioning, our upbringing and our external circumstances, to the second half, where we were guided by our souls and becoming who we were meant to be.
The challenges of midlife transition are universal and one of the world’s best-kept secrets. Most of us are not prepared for the dramatic changes that await us in our 40s, 50s, and beyond. Hormonal makeup changes, relationships evolve, marriages lose their freshness, children enter adolescence, parents enter the final stages of their life journey, and our own bodies begin to gradually age. These stages are inevitable and are not a problem in themselves. When these stages occur in an inner mental structure that is already weakened by wounds inflicted by birth and upbringing earlier in life, the whole system is weakened. We feel vulnerable, yet we try to push through as strong as ever. The result is that we break. It is no surprise that adults ages 35 to 64 account for nearly half of all suicides in the United States, according to CDC statistics for 2021.
But we are not the first on Earth to feel this anxiety. Spiritual teachers and thinkers have already walked this path and left us fragments of their teachings. When we navigate these transitions with deep ancient wisdom, when we let go of old beliefs and cultivate deeper ancient truths, we will arrive at a life that is more meaningful and real than ever before.
The eternal happiness promised to us in our youth is attainable, but it cannot come from the outer world alone. The joy we get from earthly experiences is pleasurable but not permanent, whereas the inner world is rich in treasures that bring us lasting joy.
As I felt fulfilled from my own transformation, I began to share my understanding and methodology with others on the same path, guiding them to heal and integrate their deeper identity – their inner child – into a new sense of self. I witnessed the transformation that took them into the second half of life, as they became more in tune with their true essence.
Encouraged by these successes, I am publishing this book to reach more people with these teachings and help them navigate the emotional peaks and valleys of midlife and beyond. Yoga of Self-Love Rather than a one-size-fits-all prescriptive approach, this book is a memoir that shares relatable anecdotes and invites you to walk with me. Each chapter ends with a set of reflections and exercises to give you tools to guide your own journey toward wholeness and self-love.
Dr. Deepak Chopra says, “Joy is a return to the deep harmony of body, mind and soul that was yours from the moment you were born and can be yours again. Your openness to love, your capacity to be one with the world around you, is still within you.” May this book and its wisdom help you to heal and embrace your precious divine inner child and reclaim the joy and wholeness that you deserve to claim.
No matter where you are in life, may it empower you to play the unique role that only your natural self can play in this world.
Source: Spiritual Media Blog – www.spiritualmediablog.com
