Accepting What We Cannot Change

One of the most difficult spiritual disciplines in life is to accept the things we cannot change. Even in cases of events or circumstances that we can change, the discipline of radical acceptance helps us to discern change and find the patience needed to make it happen.

The term “radical acceptance” is used by many Buddhists to refer to the practice of sitting with your situation as it is and feeling your emotions as they are.

The interesting thing about our emotions is that if we just let them be, instead of pushing them away or fighting them, their lifespan is fairly short.Spiritual directors are trained to help their mentors accept their emotions, whether they are unwanted and difficult emotions or pleasant, life-affirming emotions.Many spiritual directors practice radical acceptance with their clients without even knowing the name.

The ancient practices presented here are taken from excellent books on the subject. Radical acceptance By therapist Tara Brach, it can be practiced solo, in a group, or in a spiritual direction session.

1. To practice this, find a quiet place. Put all distractions aside and take a few deep breaths. Relax.
2. Think of a situation in your life where you are struggling and ask yourself, “How do I feel about this?”
3. Name the emotion. Experience it without judgment. Breathe into it. Accept it.
4. Notice how you feel this in your body. Where is this feeling?
5. As you experience this emotion, connect with your longing to be surrounded by unconditional love.
6. Visualize the image of a spiritual figure who represents unconditional love to you, and ask that holy figure to be with you.
7. Pay attention to your heart and allow the Holy One to embrace you and surround you with love.
8. Hold this loving embrace long enough that it becomes etched in your memory, so that you can return to it whenever you feel vulnerable or overwhelmed with emotions.
9. Conclude your spiritual practice by expressing gratitude to the Holy One for the gift of radical acceptance.

I doubt that anyone who regularly practices radical acceptance would say it’s easy, but it’s an essential practice for maturing on your spiritual journey. When practiced regularly, you may find that life’s difficulties seem less shocking and that you bounce back from disappointments more quickly than if you were refusing to accept reality.