Beautiful lady,
Honestly, it feels like our country has gone to hell shortly after my last blog post. As if the coronavirus wasn’t bad enough, we as a country were forced to witness the murder of George Floyd and things just started to get worse from there. While racism and the unjust killings of Black people continue, this was the first time so many of us have been forced to sit back and watch what is happening in the middle of a pandemic. For many, it was the first time they really saw the Black experience and they couldn’t look away.
Images of the murder of George Floyd, the riots, the protests, and more were everywhere you looked. From the nightly news to social media, there was no escaping the images. As this continued, change began to happen. Not only did people start speaking out about racism and injustice, but people also started calling out brands for a lack of diversity, unequal pay for Black influencers, and more. A lot happened in May and June, but I think it was necessary.
Even for me, as a black woman, this incident made me reflect on my own life and wonder if I was truly impacting the black community. As I thought about my life, I began to realize that even though I grew up in rural North Carolina, I hadn’t experienced much overt racism. In fact, I could only remember two instances, both very similar. Both were instances of not being acknowledged by white people. One was at a store, the other at a college reunion, but the experience was the same. In both instances, I was ignored. I knew it was racism in the moment, but I had never had someone call me a nigger or anything so obvious that I couldn’t look away.
Last month, my friend Melissa She asked me to participate in a live chat with a panel of women to discuss our backgrounds and what we can do to combat racial inequality, and one of the main things I got out of that chat was a term I had never heard before. Lada We talked about what it means to be considered a “safe Black friend,” a phrase I had never heard before but which made so much sense to me and really helped me understand why I haven’t experienced as many racist incidents as many people I know.
If you’re wondering what the term means, a “safe black friend” is a black friend who white people don’t feel threatened by. That black friend is usually educated, well-spoken, from a good family, and maybe even wealthy. This is just my interpretation, but I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. Simply put, it’s usually someone that people don’t consider slumming and doesn’t have the typical black traits. So, as I started thinking about it, I realized that I was considered a safe black friend in the lives of many of my friends.
As I began to publicly share my thoughts about blackness and racial inequality, I began to realize that, unsurprisingly, many people were not open to those conversations. I began to realize that they were okay with laughing with me or talking about fashion, but not okay with talking about black issues or the black experience. Not okay with having honest conversations about racism. I realized that people were forgetting that my “comfortable black friends” were actually black people.
You can’t separate a person from their race. No matter what I do in this life, I am black. On my government documents, I am listed as a black woman because that is who I am. Your safe black friends are still Black people. Regardless of our upbringing or personal experiences, we have the right to stand up against racism that happens within our communities. As outsiders, we may be surprised or shocked, but what happens to Black people can affect other Black people, even if it is not a direct act against them.
So what can we do? I think the most important thing is to be open to learning and growing. I’ve made some mistakes in starting conversations about racism and injustice, but I’m learning. We’re all learning. I want us to remember that Black people come from different backgrounds and experiences. Looking beyond that, I want us to remember that to be true friends and allies, we need to accept people for who they are and strive to respect the lives they lead and the communities they represent.
What do you think? Have you ever heard the term “safe black friends”?
May God bless you.
Source: FabEllis – www.fabellis.com
