What Funny Stuff Went Down When You Were a New Parent?

When Toby and Anton were babies, life was full of ups and downs. For a while, we kept Anton’s crib in the bathroom, the darkest room in our apartment. Once, when I was at dinner with a male friend, I noticed a small drop of my breast milk on the tablecloth. But this morning, I was having coffee with my friend Nikki, and she told me a story that still made me laugh…

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Nikki says:

When I was breastfeeding my first child, I had so much milk production that I ended up with clogged ducts many times. Luckily, I knew right away when they were coming and could fix them by drawing my nipple into my mouth and sucking it out before it got too blocked.

But one day, my whole left breast became extremely hard, like a rock. I couldn’t move it or lift it at all. I tried to get my baby to suck but he couldn’t. I tried a breast pump but that didn’t work. I tried massaging my breasts in a warm bath.

Finally, I called my husband. I looked up from the bath and said, “Hey, help me,” and pointed to my nipples. He rolled his eyes and said, “I don’t think I can do this.” But of course I knew I had to. It was also our first Valentine’s Day since our baby was born.

So he got on his knees, and every few minutes I would take the breast out of the water and he would suck on it. He had to suck really hard, so I would say, “Harder, harder!” and he would spit milk into the tub. The water would go cloudy with milk. He finally got it, and he sucked a few more times, and then he loosened up a little. And he said, “Good.”

We now refer to the bathtub as a crime scene.

I want people to know that this happens! I have two old mom friends who I connected with via FaceTime. From the bath And I said, “Let’s all guess what just happened.” We laughed, and then they both said, “If you ask me, I’ll do it right away, 100%.” ​​I was really, really happy. I feel like mom friends are willing to do anything and can talk about anything. There’s no need to be embarrassed. That’s how it should be.

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Hearing Nikki’s story reminded me of that show. CatastropheWhen Sharon forgot her breast pump on a trip to Paris, Rob offered to suck the milk from her aching breasts. (“At least that way you won’t poop,” he noted.)

What about you? What funny stories have happened in your family? Raising children is a rollercoaster! Why not write a column called “Tales from the Front Lines”?

P.S.: Breastfeeding in public, and going from one to two kids. Plus, “Why formula was best for us.”