Please be honest. My recent idea of ”pushing things up” looks like pajamas and overnight sleep. As a mother of two small children, the evenings are blurred with school picks, dinner and bedtime routines. And by the time the house is quiet, I am totally moved (you know, as you know). Sex? Not even on my radar. Not because I don’t long for intimacy, but because I long for rest. If you feel too tired of sex, welcome to a very realistic and highly human club. What I’ve learned is that intimacy can be rekindled in ways that feel calm, supportive and unpressurized.
Why am I too tired of sex? So General
Before my child, I thought that being “too tired of sex” was just sleeping. However, fatigue flows deeper. It’s mental load, constant juggling, and endless things to do that drain me. Even after a seven or eight hour rest I can still feel fully spent at bedtime. Intimacy is about being, not just about energy, but about being, so when the nervous system is still bustling from the day’s chaos, its presence can be felt out of reach.
Redefine what intimacy looks like
What helped me was to let go of the idea that intimacy is always equal to sex. Some nights, it’s a kiss between chores. Other nights, it will either make dessert together or remain in a hug after the kids are asleep. Honestly, there’s nothing more sexy than when my husband realizes that I need and cares quietly. These little acts remind us that intimacy is something we can cultivate every day. When I remove the pressure from the present it leaves more space for meaningful connections later.
Anyway, what is “normal”?
One of the most freeing changes is realizing that there is no “right” number of times you need to have sex. What’s normal for one couple might feel like another or stressful.
the study It suggests that once a week is average, but the frequency suggests that it is much less than how you are connected. If both of you are happy with your rhythm, it is perfectly healthy. What matters is when a partner feels lonely, mutilated or resented. It’s the moment to pause, talk and find what each of you needs.
Rebuild emotional connections
Like many of you, when my husband and I fall into “roommate mode,” intimacy is the first thing we do. That is inevitable. We split the evening and do the work and leave the boys to prepare the bed. But when we carve and connect a small window, instead of defaulting us (marriage, dreams, or small charm) to netflix, we talk about us (our marriage, dreams, or small charms) – all. Emotional intimacy is the foundation. And when it’s in place, the physical aspect continues naturally.
Find the right time you
Focusing on emotional connections, the next challenge is finding the space in which intimacy actually fits in. I had assumed it had to happen at night, but it often left me resent. So we’ve become creative. It feels lighter, playful and more natural when everything is asleep, whether you shower together easily on weekend mornings or even in the afternoon when the stars are all set.
Burn my energy (and my sexual desire)
This is one of the things I learned towards the end of a long day (or week). When I prioritize my energy and happiness, my sexual desire continues naturally. Eat a balanced diet, move my body regularly, carve small pockets for stress relief Huge difference. Living with children is messy and incomplete, but these little acts help me feel like I am. And in turn, intimacy is again possible.
Gently rebuild intimacy
If it’s the season when you feel intimacy is out of reach, you’re not broken. And you are definitely not alone. For me, rekindling connections came from not by making myself “mood” stronger, but by leaning towards small ways to slow down, respect my energy, and connect with my husband. It’s about grace. Remember that intimacy can be gently reconstructed.
If you still feel that intimacy is far away, there is no shame in seeking support. Sex therapists can provide tools, language and perspectives that will help you navigate connections during busy seasons. By using neutral third-party guides, the conversation can make the path back to each other overwhelming.
Source: Camille Styles – camillestyles.com
