Tired of Dating Apps? Here’s How to Put Yourself Out There

As a longtime ROM-COM lover, I spent years imagining what a date in my 20s might look like. Maybe I’ll be at my favourite bar in the Twin City and someone will send me a drink. Or you accidentally bump into someone at a coffee shop on the weekend, spilling coffee and causing frivolous conversations. Or even better, meet in a bookstore, joining incredible heights with strangers covered in hipster glasses. To me, figuring out the moral of the story, a way to put myself there, seemed like a foreign concept.

Spoiler alert: None of these things actually happen.

If by the miracle of the universe they happen to you, know that I am truly happy to you. But for others, there’s just the truth here, trying to find a way to actually put yourself in 2025 and actually date.

Dating is difficult, but it’s worth it

Before accusing you of being a Debbie Downer, let’s be clear. Dating is difficult, but fun, challenging and exciting. Everything that pushes us out of our comfort zone is normal.

When I talk to friends in a dating scene, I hear the same sigh and frustration. Especially about dating apps. Left and right swipes can be tiring and in many cases it’s nothing. The app works for some people (screams to my friends who found love online!), but they are not for everyone. If you’re wondering how to put yourself there beyond the swipe, here’s what worked for me.

1. I’m leaving the house

Prince Charming is not going to break into your home (it will break and enter). As a proud introvert, this perception hit me hard. If I actually wanted to meet people, I had to leave my house.

Proper case: A few weeks ago I was set on a cozy evening where a friend invited me to check out a new restaurant with her and her husband. Usually I say no. She knows I love my time – but with the spirit of putting myself there, I went. One of her husband’s friends joined us and a week later I went on a date with him.

I wasn’t looking for a date, but simply showing up made opportunities that I would otherwise have missed. Lessons learned: Say yes to the plan (even what appears to be small) and you can open an unexpected door.

2. Tell you to be single (yes, really)

Have you ever noticed someone asking, “Are you meeting someone?” And you say no, do they look disappointed? Just as they need to reassure you that “the right person will be there.”

Instead of making you feel awkward, own it. Heck, yes, I’m single. (Yes, I actually yelled it out loud.)

And don’t stop there. If a friend asks about the situation in your relationship, turn it over to them: “Do you know a great person you set up with me?” You don’t need to ask everyone, but by coming up with ideas, you’re working within a trusted network. You planted the seeds even if they didn’t have someone in mind right away.

3. Clear your phone and talk to people

We are very glued to our phones, so we often miss potential connections. If you have headphones in and are in “do not get in the way” mode using headphones that are locked on the screen, you have not given up exactly.Come and talk to me” Energy.

Try this: next time you run or grab a coffee, put your phone away. Make eye contact, smile and say hello to strangers. It feels scary at first, but the small moments of connection can lead to something more.

Where to put yourself there

• In your community: I see the same guy every night in my apartment building. For months, we ignored each other. After that, I started small. I held the elevator door and asked if he was using the machine in the gym. Now we chat regularly.
• At the church: Faith-based communities naturally encourage social interactions, both in small groups and through volunteer work.
• In a local group: Volunteers, cultural associations, or neighborhood events connect you with like-minded people.
• At the book club: Discussing the book creates a simple conversation starter, which can lead to deeper connections.

4. It’s not just about destinations, but about travel

I work mostly in the office of married women and they all teach me the same thing: The moment you stop looking, you will meet someone.

A part of me believes this. Many of my biggest moments in life happened when I wasn’t hooked on them. But another part of me is that meeting people requires effort.

reality? You get out of dating what you put in it. That doesn’t mean making it a full-time job, but it does mean giving yourself the opportunity to meet people.

Practical tips for putting yourself there

• Set small goals: One friend tried to go to four dates a year. It wasn’t a huge number, but it helped her to feel comfortable. Your goal could be anything. Be more vulnerable in conversation, plan unique dates, or simply talk to new people.
• Please join in something: Whether it’s a Rec Sports League, volunteer groups, or hobby clubs, participating will expand your social circle. Even if you don’t have romantic interests, you’re still expanding your network.
• I say “yes” more frequently: If you instinctively say no to plans outside of your comfort zone, try saying “yes” more. That doesn’t mean forcing yourself into miserable circumstances. Otherwise, you simply accept the opportunity you may die.
• It’s open to a wide range of people: Stick to a particular “type” to limit your chances. The best connections often come from unexpected places.
• Improve your body language: Crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, and closing position makes it more accessible. Smiling and maintaining open body language can make a big difference.
• I love your single: It’s easy to feel “behind” when a friend is calm, but the most appealing thing is to be satisfied with your own life. Confidence is magnetism.

Final Thoughts: Dating is not science

There is no magic formula for how to put yourself there. For some, it doesn’t work for others. The key is to find an approach that feels right you– And remember that dating is about the process, not just the outcome.

So, what have you learned about putting yourself there? Please subtract your thoughts into the comments. I want to hear about your experiences!

This post was last updated on April 5, 2025 to include new insights.