There was a time in my life when impostor syndrome felt less like a passing thought and more like a personality trait. It doesn’t come in a dramatic spiral. It comes to life when you second-guess, over-prepare, and reread and think about what you’ve written. This is fine…but is it really that good?
Have you ever sat in a room you worked so hard to get into and felt a strange disconnect, as if you were watching someone else play the role? I received the compliment and immediately cataloged why it was circumstantial. timing. luck. generous editor. tolerant audience. Success never seems like evidence, but more like something that needs to be defended.
What confuses me the most is that it hasn’t gone away with growth. Rather, it flares out when you’re expanding the room. A larger room feels like more risk and increases visibility. So I wonder, if achievement doesn’t calm imposter syndrome, what actually happens? And is the goal to make it disappear, or to understand why it appears in the first place?
Featured images from the interview with Baba Rivera bellacy photo.
Imposter syndrome tips to build self-confidence
Imposter syndrome is treated like a mindset problem, something that can be solved with a better mindset and stronger self-belief. However, according to therapists and sexologists, Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFTit’s not just about recognition.
“It often manifests as chest tightness, shallow breathing, or jaw clenching,” she explains. “The body prepares for exposure as if being ‘discovered’ is an existential threat.”
before thinking i don’t belong here Fully formed, the body is already tense. For many high-achieving women, visibility itself can be a risk. The nervous system goes into a state of alert and scans for mistakes. Not because you’re a cheater, but because your body is trying to protect you.
“They don’t think about how to get out of impostor syndrome,” Dr. Joy says. “You regulate going out.” That distinction is important. In other words, you are not broken. It supports expansion.
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, LMFT, is a South Florida-based certified marriage and family therapist and sexologist and founder of her private practice, Renew Yourself With Joy. She has dual specializations in marriage, family, and couples therapy and mental health counseling, and additional training in coaching and positive psychology. Through her clinical work, she helps women navigate relationship changes, identity changes, and self-trust.
What does building self-confidence actually look like?
If impostor syndrome is a stress response, then self-confidence is not something you develop on your own. It’s something you can learn by practicing on your own. “Building self-confidence is a behavioral habit,” explains Dr. Joy. “It’s not a motivational affirmation.”
Self-belief cannot be repeated i deserve to be here Until I feel like I can believe it. It’s about gathering evidence and demonstrating through your actions that you can handle what you step into.
According to Dr. Joy, it may seem surprisingly easy.
- Keep the small promises you make to yourself, especially the ones you don’t share with others.
- Follow through on what you commit to, even if it would be easier to abandon it.
- He tells the truth in the room where he used to perform.
- Let your voice be heard without immediately softening it or overexplaining it.
When you do the same thing over and over again, your body starts to realize that it can handle this. You begin to experience yourself as someone who follows through, allows visibility, and takes risks.
“Confidence is not the absence of doubt,” says Dr. Joy. “It’s a series of self-respecting decisions.”
The goal is not to completely silence doubts. It’s about building enough self-confidence that you no longer let doubt control your actions.
The same thing happens with emails sent without apologizing. Instead of rehearsing for 10 minutes in-house, it’s a meeting where you only speak once. The moment you choose not to shrink.
The difference between self-reflection and self-criticism
There is a version of reflection that moves you forward. This is the type of person who asks. What can we improve? What will make this better next time? It is specific and provides direction.
And there’s another voice. You are not cut out for this. you shouldn’t be here. Everyone else is more capable.
The difference, says Dr. Joy, is not how intensely the thought is felt, but whether it gives direction or shame. Healthy reflection is doable. Helps you adjust. Criticism by scammers is based on identity. It doesn’t provide next steps. It questions who you are.
“If your inner voice is specific and actionable, it’s a growth mindset,” explains Dr. Joy. “If it’s shameful on a global scale, it’s fear trying to protect you from risk.” Once you can distinguish between the two, you can choose which voice to give authority to.
Please remember. The goal is not to eliminate your inner critic. It’s about strengthening your voice so that you can accept feedback without turning it into self-denigration. Over time, the practice becomes self-reliance.
Simple habits to feel more grounded
If impostor syndrome is a stress response, grounding can be part of the solution. The goal is to help your body believe it’s safe.
Dr. Joy recommends small, repeatable rituals that interrupt the cycle of stress and strengthen your abilities.
- Before a meeting or big moment: Place both feet flat on the floor. Stretch your back. Exhale more slowly than you inhale. Place one hand on your sternum. This will alert you to safety before speaking.
- After victory: Pause long enough for your body to register. Many women don’t mentally integrate success and move on from there. Instead of immediately searching for the next thing, maintain that feeling for a few breaths.
- Keep an “evidence list”. At the end of each day, write down three specific actions that demonstrated your skills and expertise. It’s about the effort, not the result. This could look like emails you send, boundaries you keep, or ideas you share.
- If in doubt, adjust your posture. Stretch your back. Expand your collarbones. takes up space. Your posture feeds back on how safe and competent you feel.
- Don’t weaken your voice unnecessarily. Be careful when overexplaining or diluting what you say. Practice making your words stick.
You’ll notice that all of these practices are intentionally small. Self-confidence is built through repetition, but it doesn’t disappear in one breakthrough moment. We grow through many small things.
Things to remember when impostor syndrome appears
Just because you have imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you’re not qualified. It doesn’t mean you slipped into a room where you didn’t make any money. And that doesn’t mean you’re going to be exposed. Often that means it’s expanding.
Growth can feel unstable before it feels natural. Visualization can feel dangerous before it feels tangible. Success can outweigh your inner sense of self for a while. But when doubts arise, there is no need to erase them. By realizing this, you can take care of yourself, gather evidence, and keep your promises to yourself. Adapt your nervous system to the reality that you are capable of doing more than what you were once accustomed to.
Confidence is not perfect. It’s the willingness to hold onto discomfort while your body adjusts to who you are becoming. And over time, what once felt like an exposure begins to feel like an adjustment.
This post was last updated on February 25, 2026 with new insights.
Source: Camille Styles – camillestyles.com
