Is there a Finnish or Japanese word for existential holiday horror? There has to be. I think the closest thing to it is to borrow a quote from Ebenezer Scrooge. Humbug? Indeed, that’s how I feel now as this long year draws to a close. But admitting it publicly certainly feels like a sleazy and illicit confession, since a lack of festive spirit is the ultimate holiday violation.
But there’s a good reason why I get moody every season.
A few weeks ago, my partner of four years announced that he needed time and space and couldn’t do “this” at the moment. This is our relationship. Getting your heart broken a few weeks before Thanksgiving sounds like the beginning of a Hallmark holiday rom-com. Still, somehow I don’t think I’m going to conflict with it Handsome guy from Bridgerton In the coming weeks, while we’re both standing in line for eggnog at the Bryant Park Holiday Market, he’ll redeem my belief in love. First of all, I hate eggnog. But unfortunately.
This shocking development occurred just after the first anniversary of my beloved father’s death. I have already spent a full year finding my spiritual footing after that tremendous loss, which tore my family apart in complex and lasting ways. My therapist told me that September-October is one of the worst times to lose a loved one. It’s not like there’s something good But when you lose someone in the fall, you enter the holiday feeling raw, having to overcome traditions and create new rituals in the wake of their absence. There are literally empty seats at the table. She was right. Last year’s vacation was brutal, and I spent all day crying into my partner’s shirt. I don’t remember much about those days other than going to the hardware store and buying a seemingly heavy piece of wood and looking at it. die hard first time.
Will this add to this season of sadness and heartbreak? The weight of career anxiety and simmering despair over the general state of the world is what I wrote here, and I really felt it. laid lowas my grandmother would say (also died, also missed). For someone with a naturally cheerful personality, this is unfamiliar territory. But I take solace in knowing I’m not alone.
Because I know I’m not alone in facing challenges that become even more difficult during this time. Perhaps you’ll be away from your kids on your first vacation since your divorce. Or maybe you got laid off in this terrible economic situation. perhaps anticipatory grief It will remind you that this will be your last Hanukkah with your beloved relatives. Maybe you’re facing a frightening health challenge. There are as many ways to get emotional this holiday season as there are needles on a Christmas tree.
I am not a self-help author or therapist. Just a girl who can admit that she’s suffering. But I tried to develop a strategy to get through December. In case it helps you too, here is my 2025 Holiday Survival Plan.
Hunker down. You don’t have to go to a holiday party or cookie exchange. Trust that you are the best of friends right now. Trust me, even if you hear the festivities outside, a quiet night at home is just what you need to lift your spirits. “Putting on a bright face” is incredibly draining and that energy must be conserved for healing. That said, if you think being with someone can make you feel better, it might be worth putting on some lipstick and tights and going out, but only if you go out. true desirenot mandatory.
Don’t use Instagram. I stopped scrolling on Instagram a few weeks ago. This is the healthiest decision I’ve made for myself since I started drinking 2 liters of water a day. For better or worse, social media will still exist in 2026.
Please cherish your gratitude. I’m generally grateful, but sometimes it’s just another way of putting pressure on myself. Let’s wallow in a little self-pity. Don’t beat yourself up for not being grateful enough, you’re more than capable of handling things at this point.
Please enjoy it. For example, I eat a lot of fries. Sure, it might not be the healthiest thing in the world, but it brings me joy. Now is not the time to deny yourself simple pleasures like going to the movies (I plan to see a movie) hamnet Or you can stop by a nail salon and get a $10 chair massage.
Live authentically to your state of mind. In Western culture, we have a latent obsession with positivity, mistaking bravado for courage and sadness for weakness. Remember that this is exactly the opposite (and great book on this subject). Acknowledging your own “negative” emotions can help others feel less alone. After all, the loneliest thing when you’re depressed is when everyone else is drinking cranberry spritzes like crazy and you think you’re the only sad person on the planet.
Let people take care of you. It’s the season of giving, but it’s also good to take care of yourself. I have been nourished by messages from friends, flowers, and food. I choose to accept it without feeling guilty. Believe that the people who show you love are enriched by love just like you are. And it very much captures the spirit of the season.
Please return it. we spent thanksgiving together great organizationserving food in the harem. It was a meaningful distraction from the holiday longshot left by an absent partner. Doing good things also made me feel good.
Before we know it, January will be here and we, vulnerable and wounded, will be living through a tough season. And for those of you who feel on top of the world and enjoy the holiday season with enthusiasm and matching pajamas, I love it. I hope that even those who were not feeling well this year will be able to do so together with all of you in 2026.
In the meantime, let’s find solace and community in the comments. If you want to be free from hardships, it’s your safe place. If you’d like to share tools to get through tough times, we’re all ears. Wishing you peace and a new holiday season.
christine pride I’m a writer, book editor, and content consultant living in Harlem, New York. Read all of her Race Matters columns here.
PS What are your tips for enjoying large family gatherings and what is your escape valve during the holidays?
(Photo by Laura Beth Snipes/Unsplash)
Source: Cup of Jo – cupofjo.com
