My Era of Embracing High Maintenance

For most of my 20s, I thought “no hassle” was a compliment. It meant that I was likeable, pleasant and easy-going. Especially in love, I believed that my job was to be chosen, that is, to make myself attractive to others. That was long before I asked more important questions. Did I really like them?

As I stepped into more intentional dating, that mindset began to unravel. It wasn’t easy. Learning what I value in others (and what I immediately find offensive) has been both challenging and revelatory. But by redefining and owning my so-called “high maintenance” nature, I learned something important. That said, frequent maintenance is not arbitrarily difficult. It’s about setting a standard and refusing to let anything less than that into your life.

Featured image from Michelle Nash’s interview with Iskra Lawrence.

Why I embrace high maintenance (and you should too)

I embrace high maintenance as a way to live more clearly and with more care. For me, that means prioritizing what feels good, refining what I need, and unapologetically respecting my boundaries. Because when you stop performing for others and start claiming what you really want, life starts to feel less like a compromise and more like an adjustment.

So I’ll tell you my case for wanting more. Instead of noise, objects, and distractions, it brings me more intention, more beauty, and more joy. And yes, I would happily call it high maintenance.

High maintenance does not necessarily mean difficult. It’s about setting a standard and refusing to let anything less than that into your life.

Redefining high maintenance

Somewhere along the way, “high maintenance” excessively. They are too emotional, too opinionated, and too particular. This is a label often used to chill women, especially women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to say it. For years I resisted it. I thought I would love myself more if I took it easy, and I thought it was polite and right to keep my preferences quiet.

But I’ve learned that being “low maintenance” at the expense of myself isn’t easy. actually? I’m tired. You spend your energy predicting what will make others comfortable instead of asking what will satisfy you. This kind of self-erasure may seem benign on the surface, but deep down it’s a silent betrayal of your needs.

So I started reclaiming this word. For me, embracing high maintenance means living intentionally. It’s about choosing what brings value, rejecting what doesn’t, and showing up in your life with discernment. Whether it’s your relationships, your daily routine, or the way you decorate your home, it’s an exercise in self-respect. It says this: “I care enough about myself and the people in my life to be clear about what I need.”

Boundaries as acts of care

For a long time, I mistook flexibility for kindness. I thought I could be generous by saying yes to plans I didn’t have the energy for and people I didn’t meet along the way. But in reality, it just depleted me. If you’re used to being low-maintenance, boundaries can feel like a threat to your likability. In fact, they are the foundation of meaningful connections.

In this new age of dating, I’ve come to understand how my chill girl persona is built on quiet abandon. I didn’t want to seem too demanding, so I didn’t accept any more than I had to. But boundaries are not barriers, they are invitations. They create space for a relationship rooted in honesty and mutual respect rather than quiet resentment.

And boundaries don’t just exist in relationships. These are essential to how we use our time, how we work, and even how we rest. Accepting frequent maintenance means realizing where you’ve been running empty and deciding not to live there anymore. It’s not about saying “no” to others, it’s about saying “yes” to yourself.

Develop a high-maintenance mindset

If high-maintenance redefinition begins internally through self-awareness and setting boundaries, managing it is the way to bring that awareness into daily life. It’s not about complexity or excess. It’s about choosing to learn and make space for what makes you feel grounded, valued, and alive.

For me, it’s a ritual that transforms everyday moments into sacred ones. I’m wasting my money moisturizer I use it every night because it allows me to stop and take a deep breath. Even if you are dining alone, they will help you set the table. Choose silence over constant stimulation, solitude over forced connection.

This idea extends beyond self-care. It’s all about how we dress, decorate and design our days. Maybe it’s editing your closet to only include things you really love, lighting a candle before writing in your morning journal, or walking to your favorite coffee shop instead of rushing to the drive-thru. These small intentional acts remind us that compassion, beauty, and practicality can coexist.

Try this: Take inventory of one area of ​​your life (routine, space, relationships) and ask: Does this feel the same way as me? If the answer is no, what can you do to create a more unified feel? Often, it’s not about adding something new, it’s about removing what is no longer useful.

Permission to want more

For a long time, I believed that wanting more made me ungrateful. I thought contentment meant being silent about what I had, and that ambition and gratitude couldn’t coexist. The truth is, we can have both. We can love our lives deeply while envisioning the following:

Embracing high maintenance shows that desire is not something to be taken lightly. It’s a compass. What we desire – connection, creativity, beauty – is not an expression of greed or vanity. They are signals of where we are called to grow.

When we stop apologizing for wanting more, we begin to live for expansion instead of fear.

There is power in naming what you want, even if it feels bold and a little uncomfortable. When you honor your desires, you are not chasing perfection. I am worth the effort to live my life.

Try this: Think about the areas in your life where you feel calm, such as work, relationships, and daily life. What does “further” mean there? What is one small action you can take this week to get closer to that?

live with intention

The older I get, the more I realize that ease comes from doing things in harmony, not by doing less. Living with intention means coming to terms with the effort it takes to create a life that feels good. It’s not about convenience or control, it’s about consideration.

High maintenance, as I defined it, is actually about self-esteem. It’s a choice to be careful about how you spend your time, what you bring into your home, who you bring close to you, and how you present yourself. It’s about knowing that when something requires your energy, you need to give it back too.

That’s the quiet beauty of this era I’m stepping into. Everything in my life, from the people I love to the products I use, is here because I chose it. Not because it’s easy, expected, or universally liked, but because it reflects what’s important to me.

Try this: Look around your life and notice what feels easy and what feels draining. What would happen if you edited your days with the same care you would your favorite rituals?

new era

For a long time, I equated high maintenance with too much maintenance. I was too particular, too opinionated, too aware of what I wanted. But knowing what you want is a strength. It means you made an effort to have your voice heard.

This is the era I am advocating. It is a time defined by discernment, depth, and the belief that my needs are invitations, not burdens. Choose what feels right for you, let go of what doesn’t, and continue shaping your life.

Because high maintenance may never have been a problem. Perhaps true maintenance was an act of self-abandonment, an act of diluting oneself for the comfort of others. Truth: I’m not interested in that kind of ease anymore.