Shortly after my 40th birthday this November, I made a personal contract with myself. I signed it to make it official, and Joe also signed it as a witness. I’ve referred to it every day since then. This contract has served as a filter and guide when I feel lost in certain areas of my life. It’s been very helpful to me, so I want to share it with you in more detail. Perhaps making a personal contract with yourself is one of the things you’ll want to do heading into the new year.
Reasons for writing a personal contract
One of the things I’ve realized about myself is that what I want for my life doesn’t always line up with my habits, emotions, and reactions to situations. There’s a good reason for this: our subconscious is very powerful, and our intentional thoughts and actions are no match for it. It’s frustrating to have your decisions disappoint you time and time again, even when you have the best intentions. This frustration was one of the main reasons I wanted to make a contract with myself: to provide intense transparency to help guide my daily decisions in the direction I want my life to go.
Over the past six months, I’ve been really thinking about the role I play in directing my life. I’ve been honest about what’s getting in my way and I’ve realized it’s not just external factors that are holding me back. This process of confrontation has built my self-esteem in ways I never knew possible, and from there, a personal contract has emerged.
Benefits of creating a personal contract
Provides clarity.
My personal contract reflects everything I want in life. It’s narrowed down to clear priorities and reminds me to develop habits that will get me where I want to go. The clarity it brings allows me to be intentional about making choices throughout my day that are beneficial to the life I want to create. It helps me prioritize the things that I know will have a reward and are worth pursuing.
It is sustainable.
I’ve always been passionate about self-improvement, but my commitment to various practices ebbed and flowed over time. Making a contract with myself made my self-improvement sustainable and approachable, which is totally different from the black-and-white perfectionist approach to life out there.
This contract is meant to create an outward representation of yourself that you can refer to when you feel small or scared. It is designed to increase your self-confidence and your ability to do what you want in life.
Over time, confidence will develop.
I wrote this contract when I felt confident and believed in myself. The words of this contract are empowering. It’s about persevering and feeling capable when times are good and bad. It’s about telling yourself that you can try things that are hard or scary and handle the discomfort that comes after. This contract is to create an outer version of yourself that you can refer to whenever you feel small or scared. It’s written to help you develop confidence and ability to do the things you want in life.
What is included in the contract
My contract starts with a personal mission statement and an outline of the sections I will include. I then describe *how* I will make things happen in different areas of my life. In each section, I will include the intentions I set for myself and some examples of how those intentions are put into action in my daily life. I won’t share my entire contract here, but I will share a quick summary of each section below to give you an idea of ​​what my contract looks like:
- Values ​​and how to protect yourself. This has to do with the shift from external to internal validation.
- Finances. This has to do with educating yourself, maintaining the financial system and instilling long-term financial values.
- heritage. This has to do with what I want to do with the brand I’ve built, both now and in the future.
- community. This reinforces my commitment to the community that supports me and this brand, which includes you as you read this right now.
- Family and relationships. The language here is about doing what you say you’re going to do, doing things for others, and not forcing words in people’s mouths.
- values. This is where I defined my core personal values. If you can’t feel a connection to your work, try writing in third person.
- the goal. This includes what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it, and how you are going to achieve it.
- Something that is no longer of any use to me. It contains a very detailed list of things I’m letting go of, from habits to friendships to cycles of self-sabotage.
- Self-esteem. This has to do with strengthening my commitment to myself.
- Make a plan and go to work every day. It’s about meeting yourself where you are each day and continuing to push yourself forward.
How to make a deal with yourself
A good contract provides clarity and ensures that all parties involved get what they want from the agreement. A personal contract provides perspective that allows you to deal with anything that comes your way, make informed choices, and live in an intention-driven way. A personal contract provides the opposite of being overwhelmed. It instills in you the knowledge that you can slowly remove any obstacles that are in your way.
A personal contract offers the opposite of overwhelm. It instills in you the knowledge that no matter what obstacles are in front of you, you can remove them bit by bit.
Here are some tips to help you draft your personal contract:
Please be more specific.
Think specifically about both the areas of your life you want to explore and the areas you want to approach differently. Reflect on what went wrong in the past and how you could approach it differently in the future. That way, you’ll have a strong reference point for scenarios you may encounter again. After all, we all know that life is tough sometimes. There are a lot of things that you don’t want to do that stand between the life you want and the life you have now.
Let’s be realistic.
It is also important that the contract is not wishful thinking. It is not a blind optimistic hope for your future. My contract is optimistic in the long term and pessimistic in the short term. It is also achievable. know Yes, you can. It’s not a source of shame or pressure (see value clause above).
Revisit it often and make corrections.
I’ve been using this contract for seven weeks now to plan my days and weeks and it’s helped me to be more specific about certain things. Don’t be afraid to refine and change the contract as you learn more about your situation and yourself.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning tennis and will forever be Testing the limits of her creativity. Follow her on Instagram Follow.
Source: – witanddelight.com
