We’ve all felt that. It’s the quiet pain when someone else’s life appears to be brighter, easier, and more successful than yours. Maybe it’s a friend’s career milestone splattering over LinkedIn, a perfectly filtered holiday photo, or simply an endless reel of highlights that scroll through every day. No matter what form, comparisons can separate us from our lives and draw us into other people’s stories. And when it becomes a habit, we become exhausted, restless and isolated.
It is human emotions that we compare, but the speed and presence of social media amplifies comparisons and creates constant noise in modern contexts. I know I should stop comparing myself to others, but it’s easier said than done when the trigger is always within reach. The question is not whether the comparison will occur. (It’s going to happen.) The question is how we respond when it happens.
Highlighted images of Michelle Nash’s interview with Mary Ralph Bradley.
How to stop comparing yourself to others—from people who have actually experienced it
What I’ve learned is that the antidote to comparisons is not found by removing all apps or separating yourself from the world. Instead, it is a small practice that intentionally makes change: a return to being, reminding us of our own values and allowing us to feel joy in real life. From now on, I will introduce five practices that have helped me break out of the trap of comparison and step into something richer: connection, creativity, and peace.
Move the focus outwards
Comparisons make us inwards, measuring, tallying, shrinking, and more. One of the easiest ways to ease that control is to raise your head up and transfer your attention to others. When you realize you are in a spiral of focusing on yourself (How do I measure it? Why don’t I have it yet?), which is usually a sign that you need to reconnect with the people in front of you.
Instead of scrolling, you can go into the kitchen with your kids, call friends, or look for a small way to provide kindness. The act of turning from narcissism to connection is more than just distracting comparisons. It fills me with a presence and joy that is hard to compare with the number of likes. Reality love, laughter, and community always outweigh digital validation.
Try it yourself: Next time you feel like you’re being pulled by the comparison, stop and talk to someone else. Send a simple encouragement text, ask your loved one how it is on the day, or step into an offline connection moment. Keep an eye on how your energy changes.
Choose support over shortage
It is easy to believe that the success of others will take away something from us. When we are in the mindset of shortage, whether it be promotions, book deals, or viral posts, those moments can feel like evidence that we are behind. But the truth is, life is not a zero-sum game. There is no universal bank account that drains opportunities when others withdraw.
When we reconstruct the achievements of others as evidence of possibilities rather than evidence of our own limitations, we expand rather than shrink. We can celebrate new jobs for friends, creative successes for colleagues, even beautiful homes for strangers without questioning our worth. And paradoxically, the more you celebrate others with all your heart, the more freedom you feel in your own path.
Try it yourself: The next time your envy creeps up, take it again as inspiration. Leave a heartfelt comment, send a congratulatory message, or stop and say to yourself: “If they can do that, then I can.”
Reality love, laughter, and community always outweigh digital validation.
Redefine success to suit your criteria
Comparisons become more popular when we evaluate our lives against others’ definitions of success. None of your followers, the size of your home, the pace of work, or anything else reflects a fulfilling life. Stop comparing yourself to others and instead define your success by your own values, and you can free yourself from a race that you haven’t chosen.
One of my close friends said that her turning point was when she let go of external means and felt that it meant to her: creating art, building a community, and living slowly. Success now means adjusting rather than catching up. The change is not to lower the hurdle, but to raise the hurdle to fulfill the life you actually want.
Try it yourself: Write down three ways to measure success when others’ opinions don’t matter. Keep the list visible and use it as a compass if you compare and fall off course.
Setting boundaries with technology
Most of the triggers for our comparisons are in the palm of our hands. With the feed being scrolled infinitely, it’s almost easy to compare yourself to others. If you want to stop comparing yourself to others, one of the most powerful tools we have is to learn where your limits are and respect them.
The boundaries vary from person to person. For me, that might mean not scrolling first thing in the morning. This will help you get a good start to your day. It may also mean putting your phone aside an hour before bedtime to give your mind some space to rest. For you, it may mean Saturdays without screens, or it may mean turning off notifications that are constantly pulled back into the noise. These simple guardrails don’t block our connections. They create spaces for us to exist in our real life.
Try it yourself: Choose one technology boundary you’ll try this week. You don’t call in the bedroom, don’t scroll after dinner, or you don’t use social media on weekends. Keep an eye on how it affects your energy and mood.
Success now means adjusting rather than catching up. The change is not to lower the hurdle, but to raise the hurdle to fulfill the life you actually want.
Continuing to root in the present
By comparison, we are drawn into the lives of others and separated from our own lives. The quickest way is to go back to being, the small moments that give texture and meaning to our days, here and now. When you stop comparing yourself to others, you will already notice the beauty that surrounds you.
Being does not erase comparisons, but changes its power. When you develop gratitude for what is right in front of you, the sense of urgency of comparing yourself to others fades. You realize that your life is more than enough with a mediocre, imperfect wholeness.
Try it yourself: When the comparison appears, stop and list three things you appreciate in the moment. Remember these little anchors have a sense of fulfillment in real life, not in life on screen.
Living freely from comparison
Comparisons always try to get in, but when you choose presence over pressure, connection over competition, and authenticity over appearance, that domination begins to loosen. The more you practice changing your focus, supporting others, setting boundaries, and defining success on your own terms, the less you need to compare spaces.
Learning how to stop comparing yourself to others is not about aiming for perfection. It involves realizing that habit is creeping up and gently reverting yourself to what is important: your values, your peers, and your values. your life. Back in that place you will see that there is far greater freedom than what social media can offer.
So, next time you scroll and realize you’re feeling envious, stop. Inhale and look around. The joy is here, waiting for the moment. I’m waiting for you to notice it.
This post was last updated on October 8th, 2025 and includes new insights.
Source: Camille Styles – camillestyles.com
