No matter how much we love them, holidays make us nervous. School events, family expectations, gift lists, travel, and Given the mental strain of making the season “magical,” it’s no wonder so many of us barely cross the finish line. And while there is pressure to say yes, very realistic, This is a reminder to set holiday boundaries. In fact, it’s an antidote to both burnout and the familiar December spiral of cortisol and leftover sugar cookies. In the future, we’ll take a closer look at how to say no (without feeling guilty) and save your emotional energy. Enjoy the season you worked so hard to create.
Why boundaries are important during the holidays
During this period, the invisible labor we bear increases. We are making travel arrangements. I’m buying stocking stuffers. I have received a present from my teacher. We are planning the menu. And so on, and so on, all the while we are setting the emotional tone for everyone around us. the a lot. And if you don’t stick to your boundaries, you can easily find yourself in a situation like this:
- overcommit To the event
- make people happy To avoid disappointing relatives and friends
- comparison trapwe feel obligated to conform to what others are doing
- self neglectBecause we put everyone’s needs before our own.
Boundaries protect emotional range. These are ways to honor what you can do while gracefully letting go of what you can’t do.
And respecting your limits creates space for presence, joy, and meaningful moments (as well as the mental load behind them).
Common guilt traps to avoid
Naturally, even the most self-conscious moms can get caught up in holiday guilt. But naming these traps is the first step to escaping them. Before we get into the strategy, it helps us recognize the internal scripts that make saying no feel impossible. If you can find them, it will be much easier to loosen their grip and choose what is truly important.
1. “But my children will miss out…”
Truth: Children don’t remember perfectly curated moments. They remember the connection. When parents are rested and grounded, they can have a calmer holiday than an activity-packed schedule.
2. “I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
When we try to protect the feelings of others, we often come at the expense of our own well-being. Boundaries are not about rejecting others. It’s about respecting yourself.
3. “I should be able to do it all.”
This is characteristic of a culture of burnout. If saying “yes” means sacrificing your sleep, sanity, or emotional energy, it’s not worth the internal repercussions. Until now.
4. “It only happens once a year.”
and it is That’s exactly why energy conservation is important. You deserve to experience this season (not just survive).
power to protect energy
When it comes to emotional energy, think of it like this: finite resource. For context, I am a mother of two small boys. nutrition consultantand the textbook Enneagram 2 (someone who instinctively anticipates and meets the needs of others before their own). And while that sensitivity is a strength, it also means I tend to overextend myself…especially during the holidays. However, the harder I tried, the more I felt like my strength was draining away.
Eventually, thanks to my inquisitive husband (an Enneagram 5!), I realized that protecting my energy wasn’t selfish. It’s how you show up as the calm, present mother you want your sons to remember. Holiday boundaries do not detract from the season. Create space for the moments that matter most.
how to stay sane
Once you start honoring your energy, the next step is to find ways to navigate the seasons more intentionally. With that in mind, here are some mom-friendly tools that are perfect and don’t require any extra time. The simpler it is, the more likely you are to actually use it. These grounded, realistic practices will help you stay sane, save your emotional range, and get through the season more easily.
- Create a “holiday vision” for your family. what to do you Is this what you want this season to look like? Is it cozy? Simple? slow? fun? Let this be your guide to all yes and no.
- Limit consecutive events. Book a blank night on your calendar. You and your kids need downtime between jobs.
- Identify non-negotiables. Maybe it’s baking day, movie night, or attending an annual event. Lock up what’s important and free up the rest.
- Protect your morning. A slow morning (actually a hot cup of coffee) can make up for even the busiest of days.
- Build buffer time. Say no to anything that stresses out your schedule. Space is the secret superpower of the holidays.
What to say when you have to say no
If saying “no” makes you feel guilty (this is for all of my peers, pleasers!), use these soft, respectful scripts that respect both you and the other person.
- “We’re pushing back our schedule this year, so we might not be able to make it in time, but thank you for inviting us.”
- “That sounds nice, but we have to pass. We need a family vacation.”
- “I wish we could, but we’re already at capacity!”
- “I can’t make any promises, but I hope it will be a great gathering.”
- “Thank you for thinking of us! This season is full and we’re staying close to home.”
Remember: Holiday boundaries require no apologies or explanations.
Practical self-care for a peaceful season
During the holidays, the key is to mix in moments of wellness into the Instead of waiting for the chaos to subside, create it. A high-protein breakfast, a quiet cup of tea, or a 10-minute stretch can help set the tone for the day. Let go of perfection. There’s no need to overflow your home with decorations (a little garland goes a long way!). Cookies also don’t have to be Pinterest-worthy. Please do not hesitate to ask for and accept assistance with packaging, cooking, childcare, etc. Most importantly, remember to pause, step back, and soak in your own magic.
Source: Camille Styles – camillestyles.com
