Last month, I wrote about the flexible routines and wellness pillars that support my mental and emotional health. Today, I want to share some of the mindset shifts that support those routines. These are internal habits that support me from the inside out.
Find routines and habits that work for you
Before I dive in, I want to say that in writing and sharing these posts, I have realized that most of us need less advice, less information, and less pressure to live a life that looks and feels like someone we see through a screen. I know this in my bones, I understand it so deeply that it felt counterintuitive to come out on this medium and share it.
The biggest realization I had last year was that I don’t need to fix myself. look Believe in yourself and accept what you see. I used to believe in books and experts more than I did in myself, to the point where sometimes I didn’t even believe in myself. You also can’t build self-trust by following someone else’s path. There is no one-size-fits-all way to get out of a rut, a self-crisis, or self-doubt. You have to look within yourself for clues that point you in the right direction.
The biggest realization I had last year was that I don’t need to fix myself. look Accept yourself and what you see.
Only you know what you need. When you’re confused, it’s easy to try to label your emotions. We are so much more complicated than that. Perspective is so important here. Make room for the unanswered questions, the complicated emotions, the bittersweetness of living, growing older, pruning what’s lost, and loving yourself enough to tend what’s ready to grow again.
Six things I practice every day
The practices and mindset shifts I share below are my North Star when I feel lost. Often the telltale signs of this feeling are the familiar drumbeat of low internal self-worth or old maladaptive perfectionistic tendencies trying to protect me from public humiliation (thanks, internet). I treat these as pillars of awareness that help me trust that no matter what happens, I’ll be okay.
1. Get your thoughts clear.
I try to notice whenever I’m stuck in an old thought pattern. When I find myself brooding or starting to self-sabotage, I quickly scan my body, take a few deep breaths, and then return to my original activity. The key for me is not to get carried away or obsess over catastrophic thoughts. When I do (and I often do), I’m kind to myself and trust that with practice I’ll be able to move past them more easily. Trying to stop these thoughts completely kept me stuck. accept Embracing them as part of living my life was a huge step in the right direction for me.
2. Be realistic about what you can offer.
I want to do it all. Realizing that I can’t do it all without consequences (mentally, emotionally, financially) was a shocking, yet incredibly liberating realization I experienced last year. What should I do? want What should I do? What on earth do I want from life? I was paralyzed by these questions, thinking that if I wanted it badly enough, the answers would come to me like lightning.
I’m not waiting for a burst of purpose. I still don’t know what to do with the desire to overload my plate, but that doesn’t help. So now, when I cross something off my list or delegate a task, I don’t see it as an act of waving the white flag, but as inching closer to what really matters to me.
3. Practice radical acceptance.
Sometimes we get caught up in wishing things were different. Just like we thought we could act on every idea that came to our head and juggle so many things at once, we thought worrying would protect us. We thought we could create the future we want just by wishing our current situation was different. But that’s not how it works.
4. Embrace discomfort.
Discomfort tends to point me in the direction I need to focus my energy. Discomfort points me in the direction that will help me grow. I disconnected from this wisdom after my first few years of therapy, thinking that discomfort was the key to getting to where I needed to be to heal. My self-awareness had grown, but my confidence had plummeted. I didn’t know why.
It took me a long time to relearn how to motivate myself to grow, rather than punish myself. When you experience a major setback in work or a relationship, it’s hard to bounce back. It’s scary to know how far you’ll fall and what it’ll take to bounce back. But I can speak from experience: wallowing in self-pity comes at a high cost.
5. Have self-respect.
For me, this means most of the time doing what I say I’m going to do. I’ve been told that procrastination isn’t a time management issue, it’s a way of deflecting what we’re afraid of – fear of failure, fear of rejection, or the discomfort of facing both. I’ve also been told that procrastination is a way of controlling those outcomes, of being able to predict the consequences if I don’t do what needs to be done. I believe that’s how self-sabotaging feels.
I began to see procrastination as an act of disrespect to myself. This shift in mindset helped me to procrastinate when I needed to get started. It also helped me identify where I could gain clarity on what I needed to do. I can’t I fail every day, but I keep trying, and little by little, I am learning to trust myself again.
6. Live with gratitude.
I don’t think gratitude can be achieved until we accept who we are and acknowledge that we are inherently worthy of safety, love, and connection. The most uncomfortable moment in the past 18 months has been examining my relationship with myself. No one else was giving me what I needed. I knew I really was worthy. I felt About myself, my life, and the choices I had made. It was an uncomfortable and confusing experience, but then the gift came: I realized that almost everything I needed was already inside of me.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning tennis and will forever be Testing the limits of her creativity. Follow her on Instagram Follow.
Source: – witanddelight.com
