I don’t know what to reply to – or what was I really interested in when I ended up connecting with a guy – I wrote, “Whatever you are!” He sent me a GPS location right away. Ella and I looked at each other. We discussed the importance of boundaries, expectations, and the importance of safe sex when connecting anonymously with people outside our duo. Was this the moment we were preparing?
I once again had the roller coaster jitter, and my cheerleader Ella reminded me, “Try anything at least once.” I drank a beer for courage, said goodbye to my supportive girlfriend and walked towards my first hookup with the guy.
I was hoping for a frivolous first date, but instead the man I messaged quietly intercepted me outside his house. He was handsome with a firm chin. I tried to kiss him, but he looked indifferent. I provided a true cliché: “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
We thought we were going up to his room and making a joke about our lives with wine, but instead, without a word, he dragged me into the parked car and awkwardly shoved him into the back seat.
I wanted to look sexy and experienced so I followed the flow despite not knowing why we were in his car. Maybe he had a roommate at home? Maybe he got off in semi-public sex? Do you think this is cruising? I thought. He thawed my pants, twitched himself into my lap, shaking himself. He unleashed the condom and placed it on me, then suddenly I was inside him. I was doing it before I really realised what was going on!
After a few minutes of unpleasant and uninspired movements, he went back and forth, putting me in his steamy car and cleaning. He didn’t even bother to let me down. I felt used to it.
As I sat in the afterglow of a dissatisfied experience, I wondered what I was now. Sex isn’t that good, let alone intimate. But I was drawn to him. Was I gay? Was I bisexual? Was I just confused?
When she told Ella what had happened, she thought it was so sexy and courageous that she was excited to try again. She laughed when I said it wasn’t over. “Now you know how girls feel when guys use them,” she told me. touch! We decided to collect more data and search for people I have more connections. We surfed the app together and swiped through new dating jargon to research.
I had some more “and much better” hookups before I finally realized I really liked men and women. Men were hurt, smelled, and I didn’t love their solid bodies. The women were kind to touch, smell and kiss everywhere. But there was one thing many women didn’t have. It’s a solid part that I really like. When it went from soft to hard, my interactivity went both way.
Source: BuzzFeed – LGBTQ – www.buzzfeed.com
