We moved to another state when she was 10 years old and enrolled her in a charter school program. Once there, she met her real friends for the first time, but they never asked her about her crush or about boys. Her 6th grade teacher told her father and me during the last parent conference of the school year that she needed to seriously consider homeschooling for middle school.
“Your daughter has never been mean to another child in class since I became her teacher. Even when she was being bullied, she never called the other children names. She sat at her desk, bowed her head, and cried. She always tells me what’s going on, and even though she doesn’t want anyone to get in trouble, she lies. Because she doesn’t want to, she may even accidentally inform other students. I don’t think she has the thick skin needed to get through middle school, and her honesty is punished by the other kids because she’s not doing it to cause trouble. She doesn’t want to. She’s a really honest kid. She doesn’t run around chasing boys like other girls and believe me, they’re already aware of it and telling her about it too. They are giving me comments.”
He went on to say that his daughter’s “good” qualities and “lack” of acting like a “typical pre-teen girl” made her the target of bullying in middle school, which caused her to suffer greatly. He explained that he was genuinely afraid that he would be rejected. . We quickly decided that she would be homeschooled for the rest of her middle school years. Because she was already dealing with being bullied at her previous school for not being interested in boys. My heart continued to break that day, remembering how she came home crying about having to hold a boy’s hand and fearing something worse would happen to the middle school kids. I thought back to middle school and realized that her teacher was right. Back then, kids who were different were targeted and bullied mercilessly. I’d like to say that when I was younger, I never bullied other kids for being different, but unlike my daughter, I went along with the crowd to avoid being different. At that point, my daughter began to wonder if she would always be targeted because of who she was.
When it came time for her to enter high school, we again chose a special charter high school program that focused on the arts. Because art was her main interest. She loved to draw and was very talented as an artist. Before enrolling her, we toured the school, met the teachers, and based on what we learned from them, we felt it was safe for her. Their faculty was mixed in race, gender, and even openly LGBTQIA+ teachers and students. At this high school, she was surrounded by people who differed from the norm of “normal” and accepted her for who she was. She met some of her best friends to this day at that school. As time went on, I continued to wonder about her sexual orientation throughout my teenage years. Because she still never commented on anyone being attractive or interested. I decided to open up to her about my sexuality. Because I hoped it would give her the courage to confide in whatever she was worried about, perhaps about herself.
“Honey, I want to tell you, because I think you’re probably aware that your dad and I don’t have a “typical” marriage. I’m sure you’ve heard us talking over the years and probably remember having a “friend” nearby and seeing or hearing a conversation with them. I think what I’m trying to explain is that I’ve always had a different view on relationships. When I met your father, I was honest about it, and things always worked out. I am bisexual and have an open relationship with your father. Ask me any questions you want about it, honey, but mainly, I just realized that you’re not actually bringing home a guy or anything, and we’re glad you’re free. We just want you to know that come join us and be yourself. There’s no need to hide what you like or who you like, okay?
She knows about her father, and I didn’t have a “typical” marriage, but when it comes to myself, I don’t know who I really am. Said. Her best friend is transsexual and she wasn’t afraid to tell us because she knew we wouldn’t judge them. She said her friends asked her about her sexuality, but she never thought about it. She went on to explain that she didn’t find anyone attractive, that she didn’t like being touched at all, and that she had never thought about getting married or having children. We had looked online before about how she acted, but to be honest, we thought she was transgender or lesbian and probably didn’t know how to tell us that. It was. But another quote I read struck a chord with me when she said, “I’ve never had anyone that attractive,” and talked about her aversion to being touched. That was the moment I realized I would never be a grandparent or see my daughter fall in love, get married, or do anything “normal” in society’s eyes. My daughter was asexual.
I knew that some asexual people started families and got married, but when my daughter said she didn’t want to get married or be a parent, It was a belief. That moment set the reality for me of what my husband and I would experience as parents. My daughter wouldn’t say anything unless it was a solid truth in her heart. Throughout her life, she had never lied. She told us about what happened, even though my husband and I weren’t around to hear it the first time she accidentally cussed as a child. He even confessed that he had to tell us even though we never did because he felt he had to be honest with him. I would have known otherwise.
Even as she became an adult, her relationships and feelings towards children did not change at all. She is almost 30 years old and has never been attracted to anyone else. It breaks my heart every day to know that she is being talked about and targeted because of who she is. My husband and I both try to ignore the frequent comments from friends and family asking, “Are grandchildren in our future?” We tried going to a local church a few years ago after going through some difficult times. The pastor and others in the parish were focused on constantly trying to get her into a “single social” rather than offering acceptance and support. In their words, she “should have already settled down and started a family at this age.” With the recent assaults on “childless” women in society by the upper echelons of government here in America, she is terrified of being “forced” to marry a man and bear an unwanted child. There is. After the election results, she told my husband that she “couldn’t understand why people were so opposed to accepting being different” that she welcomed “hate for running the country” . Despite this, she has never had any regrets about who she is as a person. She has accepted her asexuality and is unapologetic about it. She never apologized that my father and I wouldn’t have grandchildren, and I’m glad about that.
She was raised to accept herself for who she is and to never apologize or hide from society, despite some people’s inability to understand or accept her. Neither her father nor I ever made her feel guilty about getting married or having grandchildren. We have always allowed her to be who she is, and even now as an adult, she has never lied to us. She was raised without hiding who she was. She was never considered “weird” for going on house dates or not having a boyfriend or girlfriend. As her mother, my heart is breaking right now. Because for the first time in her life, I saw her truly fearing for her future.
Although it breaks my heart, I will continue to support my asexual daughter and her right to live her life the way she wants. I will fight for her freedom and the freedom of others like her who don’t “conform” to what others think is “normal.” We never went back to church. And I told my daughter that I would never force her to follow a religion that didn’t accept her as “single and childless.” When my family pressured me with questions about her, I told them to get used to the fact that she would never get married or have children. My sister apologized to me and said, It’s the best! Sorry for missing it! ” I quickly told her back that she wasn’t missing out on anything. Because I am honored to see my child grow into a wonderful, talented, and intelligent young woman who never lies or conforms to expectations. Someone else dressed her.
I will continue to encourage my daughter to be herself without shame, without fear, and without apologizing to anyone for being “different.” And anyone, whether it’s friends, family, or strangers, tries to sympathize with me for not having a grandchild or tell me it’s wrong for my daughter to get married or not have a family. I will continue to correct it.
Society has allowed the definition of “normal” to be used as an excuse to spread hatred and intolerance. My daughter and others like her are treated as lesser human beings because they don’t fit the definition of “normal” by those who think their actions are “morally right” even though they don’t. It breaks my heart that I’m being treated as such. I will continue to fight for my daughter and people like her because morality is not based on a narrative of what is “normal.” Morality is based on empathy, love, honesty, acceptance, and tolerance towards other human beings. She is my daughter, but I refuse to see her become something she is not because society cannot accept others and live by the “morals” they try to preach.
Luna Verity is a 46-year-old omnisexual woman in a polyamorous relationship. She has been married to her husband for 27 years and has a 27-year-old asexual daughter. Luna has been with her partner for 20 years. Luna fell in love with reading from an early age and began writing as a hobby. Luna focuses on writing about social issues, ethical dilemmas, and personal experiences that she hopes will help others, but she also enjoys writing works of fiction.
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Source: BuzzFeed – LGBTQ – www.buzzfeed.com
