I was ready to join the Air Force and was ready to give everything for my country. What I wasn’t prepared was a certain act I had to perform. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – I lived a double life under a policy that prohibited gay, lesbian and bisexual service members from openly serving from 1993 to 2011. Every day, I was the perfect aviator. I scored on the test, volunteered on all the assignments, worked harder than anyone else, so no one would look good. At night, behind a closed room, I was a young woman who lived honestly, openly loved, desperately trying to become myself.
The tolls were unforgiving. The supervisor asked why I wasn’t on a date with a man. His fellow airmen were forced, harassed and sometimes assaulted. I spent a moment dodging my progress, hiding who I really were. My relationship had no chance to grow as I was constantly scared of being caught. And I became an actress – convincing the world where the Air Force and I were straight, and I was broken.
Still, I tried to turn my pain into an end. While stationed in Germany, I became the branch leader of Outserve (now the Modern Military Association), an underground network of LGBTQ+ service members who secretly found the community. We leaned against each other when we couldn’t rely on orders. I was afraid to answer late-night calls from people in despair and ask for help as acknowledging who they were could end their careers.
Even after it was abolished in 2011, the scars remained. Some veterans have less willful dismissals or records that do not erase their truth. And while abolition was a relief, our trans brothers were left behind. They continued to serve in silence, and even today they face a cycle of policy reversals in which they communicate that their services are conditional and their dignity is negotiable. Instead of learning from history, we repeat it – restarting the cycle of harm.
It is important that September 20th is declared LGBTQ+ Service Members and Veterans Day in Washington, D.C. and cities and states across the country, on the anniversary of the abolition “Don’t Ask.” For our community, this perception is not symbolic. It is a general perception of sacrifice, resilience, and the long battle for dignity that is still happening today. Anniversaries are not just moments of reflection. They are a call for action. To repair the harms of the past, to protect those who are still serving, and to ensure that no one else has to live in the double life I once did.
Join Modern Military, Minority Vets and Tava this year to celebrate and celebrate your LGBTQ+ military service. Click here to register.
Ashley Carrothers He is a board member of the American Modern Military Association.
Cycle-breaking post: Honoring service and ending injustice first appeared in Washington Blade: LGBTQ News, Politics, LGBTQ Rights, Gay News.
Source: Washington Blade: LGBTQ News, Politics, LGBTQ Rights, Gay News – www.washingtonblade.com
