Running a TTRPG game for someone else, also known as “Dungeon Master”, is not easy. Managing schedules, preparing for the unexpected, and keeping all players (and characters) happy and healthy is a job in itself. It may even teach the parents if they are willing to listen.
How to raise a child as a dungeon master Shelley Mazanoble considers the commonalities between the two practices. Mazza Noble, substack blogger and co-author Welcome to Dragon Talkwrote this book to explore the similarities between the two and how parents can use their DM talents to inform their parenting. These include everything from moral alignment to storytelling style.
fund mentals I had a chance to sit down with Mazza Noble to discuss her books, parenting, and her favorite 5e spells as a parent.
Fundmentals: Where did this book come from?
Sherry Mathenoble: This book was born out of my insecurities as a parent. I’m the mother of an 11-year-old son, and like most parents, we spend a lot of time wondering, “Is this the right thing to do?” is he having fun? Does he even like me? I realized that questions like this are the same ones I ask when sending DMs. The big difference for me is that I can handle surprises better as a Dungeon Master than as a parent in a DND game.
When I was explaining to someone what makes a good Dungeon Master, I noticed some similarities. It was full of the same adjectives you would use to describe someone who might make a great parent. Someone who is collaborative, open-minded, generous, caring, empathetic, receptive to feedback, and able to accommodate a variety of personalities.
So I started asking myself questions. “Can we approach parenting with the same philosophy that DMs approach games?”
FM: What kind of DM have you done so far?
SM: I’m also a new dungeon master. I’ve had a few false starts over the years, but for the past few years I’ve taken on the role of Dungeon Master, which only works with kids.
I realized that I had no idea what to expect other than basic survival skills, like how to install a car seat or change a diaper. You will worry and worry about a million things that may never happen. You can’t prepare for the worst because you don’t know what’s going to happen. That lesson took me a long time to learn as a Dungeon Master. And yet, at one point I realized, “This game belongs to all of us, and this story will unfold beautifully before our eyes.” I don’t have to control everything.’ Everything became so much easier.
That’s the approach I use when raising children. As a great improviser, I have found that one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is agency. This is similar to how a Dungeon Master gives players agency in a game.
However, it is important to note that your children are different. They are different from their brothers. Not like your friends’ kids. They are different from your nieces and nephews. So they’re all going to be different, so the dungeon master has to be really good at understanding the different personality types and being able to include everyone in the game.
FM: How does DMing your children influence your parenting views and similarities?
SM: I’m a dungeon master for kids, so some of my parenting habits are reflected in those games.
For example, a player may not want to rest or heal after nearly dying in-game, but instead wants to continue exploring. The mother in me, on the other hand, is like, “Young man, sit under that tree and drink your healing potion.” I can’t stop being a mother like that. Still, I don’t think you have to be a good parent to be a good dungeon master, but I do believe that being a good dungeon master makes you a better parent.
FM: How do your practices regarding DM for children contrast with DM for adults?
SM: I once DMed an adult, but it turned out they knew far more about the game than I did, so I put too much pressure on myself. So I felt like I had to get really good at it. But I think the basic principles of DM still apply. Being empathetic, a good listener, and someone who loves collaborating and sharing in storytelling are just some of the traits of a great Dungeon Master.
FM: How do parenting styles and athlete styles connect?
SM: You’ve probably heard of helicopter parenting, or attachment parenting, or gentle parenting. There are many different styles of parenting. There are many different styles of raising children. I found many parenting similarities between these styles and the DM style. For example, a DM who follows the rules of cool and likes to develop the story, explain every part, and help with the characters’ backstories is more like gentle parenting. Perhaps you are a GM with a more authoritative approach and want to lead your players into a more directed approach. You could call it a helicopter parent.
There are a lot of similarities between the parenting archetype and the DM archetype, and it was simply fun to find the comparisons.
FM: Where do you feel like you’re landing as a parent and as a GM?
SM:Before I became a parent, I thought I would be a tougher love parent. That’s how I was raised, and the child I got wasn’t like that. He didn’t respond to that. As a baby, he would get upset if someone yelled at him, even if I yelled and said, “Don’t cross the road.” Because of that, I find myself erring more on the side of gentle parenting. That’s what I identify with the narrator-focused Dungeon Master. It also happens to be my favorite style.
FM: Is there a magic item or spell you wish you had as a parent in real life?
SM:The first thing that comes to mind is Mage Hand. I find it useful for grabbing things when I’m carrying a baby and need water. I also want someone I know who can help me. Sorcerer’s armor is also very useful to protect your child forever.
How to raise a child as a dungeon master: A guidebook for turning child-rearing quests into games, leveling up skills, and raising future adventurers. It will be available at your local bookstore on November 12th. University of Iowa Press website.
Image from University of Iowa Press
Source: The Fandomentals – www.thefandomentals.com
