What an Old Movie Taught Me About Turning Forty

When I was a kid, there were several movies that were shown every week on cable TV. Although it wasn’t always on the same channel, these movies somehow snuck into the permanent rotation of programming in the mid-’90s. Over time, they became seared, for better or worse, into the collective memory of the millennials who grew up in that era. I still watch some of them —grumpy old people, father of the brideand back to the future. However, one of these movies seemed to be shown more than the others. It wasn’t the best or the funniest, but it had a combination of comedy, adventure, and mystery that drew people in. city ​​slickers.

In the film, Billy Crystal plays Mitch, a 39-year-old city-dwelling father who is beginning to experience a midlife crisis. Mitch is a radio station executive with a loving wife and child, but he begins to worry that his best days are behind him. The movie begins with these words from Mitch: “Have you ever reached a point in your life where you say, ‘This is the best I’ve ever looked, the best I’ve ever felt, the best I’ve ever acted, but it’s not the best?'” Shortly after, Mitch stands in front of a class of kids on career day and gives them advice about life. After trying to explain his background and quickly realizing that the students don’t need to worry too much, he begins telling them to enjoy this time in their lives. Because this situation will only get worse. They gain weight, feel stressed, and their dreams disappear. By the end of the speech, the children are staring at Mitch in horror.

Despite its pessimistic beginning, the film ends with a great message. This story is about Mitch’s journey to redefine himself and what adventure and meaning look like. The film hinges on the simple point that entering middle age as a man is difficult. On some level, we know that our best days are behind us. With the exception of a few, most of us only become increasingly weak, fatigued, and unwell for the rest of our lives. If the battle of the mind is about choosing hope over tragedy, this may not be the best theme to persevere with. But as Christians, we have a better (but unexpected) story.

I recently turned 40 years old. Turning 40 reminds us of what we all try to forget: that we have no control over our lives. To be honest, my life isn’t what I thought it would be when I turned 40. I don’t think it applies to anyone’s life, but mine feels more serious. For the past few years, I have been ill and my ability to function fully is limited. Part of this limitation is that I can’t be as physically active as I was a few years ago. You can play with your kids, but it’s often tough. My emotional and mental health has also suffered and I spend a lot of time thinking about what the future holds. I’m not without hope, but I sometimes wonder what that hope really is. Does God promise healing? Is the rich hope given to us in the Bible for life on earth? For those who are suffering, what does it look like to hold fast to God’s promises while enjoying the blessings that have been given to us? As I turn 40, the real question before me is: Is my life a tragedy or a comedy (with a happy ending) in the classical sense?

movie city ​​slickers It ends as a comedy. What Mitch has discovered is that the adventure, excitement, and meaning afforded to him at age 40 is more than enough to satisfy him. It’s a fitting ending to America’s story of self-determination. It is also a fitting ending for much of American Christianity. American Christianity is all about convincing us that we are living in a comedy. In most areas of evangelicalism, salvation is the only story. A few years ago, I saw a poster in a Christian college gymnasium of a basketball player taking a jump shot past the hands of a defender. As expected, Philippians 4:13 was posted at the bottom. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I understand the sentiment behind the word picture, but I usually get irritated with that kind of language. Can you do it? Really Do you want to do everything? You certainly can’t heal yourself or dunk on a basketball. As Christians, we constantly put up with false views about the Bible within the church, but what really annoys me about these types of posters is that they hide the beauty of the true gospel. Indeed, the overarching theme of our lives and creation stories is that of salvation, but many tragedies must be endured to get there.

In a recent interview, one of my favorite authors, Bethel McGrew, was asked about the books that shaped her. The first thing she mentioned was a book by Thomas Sowell with the title. vision of the anointed. McGrew chose this book because it taught her as a teenager that many of life’s problems cannot be solved. No matter what politicians or self-help experts say, much of what plagues us as a society and as individuals is a tragedy that we have to endure. Is there a cure for systemic poverty? Probably not. Sure, you can reduce its effects, but you can’t eradicate the misfortune, illness, and even laziness that can cause it. The more you try to cure your mental illness, the worse the situation becomes. The same is true for countless other issues. Is this cynical? I hope that doesn’t happen, but now that I’m 40, I want to be realistic. I have hope, but the nature of that hope has changed for quite some time.

My life and faith journey has left me both disillusioned and hopeful. I think that is the correct attitude as a believer. One of the benefits of my age is that I have seen a disillusioning amount of the world. The other day, while riding in the car with my daughter, she asked me which age and childhood was my favorite. The answer was simple: 10 years old. The answer is simple. Because I remember that age as the moment when I started believing that I could achieve something in the future. Until then, I was just an average hockey player, but that winter I set up a net in my basement and committed to shooting 100 pucks every day, including weekends. Not only did he hone his shots with a rusty goal with a canvas goaltender strapped to the end, he also used a stick handle to drive golf balls in and out of cones while running up and down the stairs at home between practices.

Within a year of starting these drills, I became one of the better hockey players on the team. From that point on, being good at hockey became part of my identity. For a boy approaching his teens, it was a great identity. There was more though. The experience of being willing to do something I couldn’t do before gave me new confidence in the power of effort. There were no limits and the world before me seemed like a blank slate to be conquered. After that, I ended up swallowing the story of Republican politicians who told me that the only thing standing between me and wealth was hard work. This isn’t entirely false, but it doesn’t tell the whole story.

Throughout my 40 years, I have gone back and forth between the belief that I can accomplish anything and a more realistic view of myself. The past few years have forced me to come to terms with realities I never wanted to face. As someone who felt that heritage was important when I was younger, it’s unlikely that my name will be in a history book or on any building. I’ve never created anything that would provide generational wealth for my future family and have spent that time rebuilding everything. But what I learned is that our lives as Christians are inherently redemptive and tragic. If you find it difficult to understand, please bear with us for a while.

My wife and I often talk about what hope is in this world. Are God’s promises for this world or for the next? In the same week, we can see one family’s prayers answered in the affirmative, while another family is struck by tragedy and sees their lives fall apart. If one of the goals of a Christian’s life is to gain wisdom, this is what we must understand. If we do not address this issue at all, we will fall into one of two pits. You will become overly optimistic or nihilistic. The problem is that neither leads to the deep hope that the gospel calls us to. What is the answer? I think the secret is that the answers don’t exist, rather than that there are vehicles to help us navigate through life.

towards the end city ​​slickersMitch converses with an old, strong cowboy named Curly, who guides them with his cattle calls. Carly tells Mitch that this is the secret of life. “Just one thing. Just one thing. If you stick to it, the rest is no frills.” I was reminded of this recently as I was thinking about some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past 40 years. This movie never answers the question. It’s left open-ended for Mitch and the audience to understand. I forgot about that question for years — I didn’t actually look at it city ​​slickers After about 10 years. However, a question from a friend reminded me of this movie.

A few weeks ago, my wife threw me a 40th birthday party with some of my best friends. It was a fun evening with family and friends, but the night ended with just a few close friends around the table. One of my friends asked me what I had learned by turning 40. To my surprise, there was only one answer. I didn’t even have to think about it. pursue friendship.

The important thing about life is that our lives are neither pure tragedy nor pure comedy. They are unexpected and we never know what our experience will be like. But the hope of the gospel teaches us that behind the ups and downs of our lives, God is working all things together for our good. Therefore, the secret of life is learning how to live within this story that we have no control over. I believe the way to live this secret is through friendship. Friendship with our God, children, spouse, neighbors, and others placed in our path. What fills the gaps in our lives is the hard work of pursuing intimacy: reading the Bible, praying, bringing food, cleaning the house and inviting people over, and dealing with life’s hassles. Intimacy with God reminds us of the author of our story and gives us hope. Friends and family add more richness to our lives by helping us maintain perspective amidst joys and struggles, and by making space for new people. Friendship is the very heart of salvation. It is where we live out the gospel most clearly and where we find the hope we need by loving and being loved by others who are also navigating the tensions of a fallen world.

one of the best scenes of city ​​slickers Comes in on a bull with Mitch and two friends who came with him. “Do you remember when we were kids?” one of them asks. “I thought we’d be friends forever. Turns out we were right.” As Mitch questions almost everything in his life, he realizes that goodness is all around him. He is loved and so are those around him. Now that I’m 40, I feel like this is a secret I’ve learned.

This review was first published church and state November 30, 2025. Republished here with permission of the author.