Written by Bridget Shipman, “A mother’s guide to overcoming autism, seen through the eyes of the person being guided.“
When you hear the words, “Your son has autism.” I left my body. I remember sitting there and feeling my body go numb. My ears immediately heard a deafening sound. I felt my life change in an instant. It felt like Dorothy was caught in a giant black tornado. It was spinning in black and white. All I could do was sit until I could feel my legs again so I could get up and leave the meeting that changed my life forever. After hearing that my son was diagnosed with autism in 1996 (which felt like a life sentence at the time), I started questioning everything. As my heart was filled with pain, I went through my mind and tried to understand what was happening to my son.
Deep down, I knew this was an accurate diagnosis, but my heart couldn’t accept what I was hearing about my beautiful son’s terrifying future. Denial is powerful. If the information is too big to absorb, it will be passed on.
I defined denial as a natural defense to protect our hearts when the pain is too much for our maternal souls. We all have so much pain that we fight as hard as we can to prove that it might not be true until we can move past the pain. I know that’s what I did.
My roller coaster of denial continued for months. Although I followed professional advice regarding therapy and worked with Joseph around the clock, my mind struggled with the harsh reality of a lifelong disability. At this point, accepting what our new reality was becoming was a million miles away from where I was standing.
Acceptance of consent
There is no standard compass that everyone can follow to reach acceptance. It’s simple but cruel. We have to feel the pain. When you start to feel the pain, you can accept what is right in front of you, in the present moment. Essentially, acceptance is how we free ourselves.
The truth is, you only have predictions about what will happen, and all you know for sure is what is happening at the moment. I have a son who is 33 years old and lives alone. I don’t have a crystal ball that can tell me whether he will be successful and happy in life. All I know at this point is that he’s happy and excited to see what happens next. If I had tried to predict his future when he was diagnosed, I would have had a much darker ending based on what I was told.
Acceptance means giving yourself permission to step out of the darkness. To get away from things that may or may not become true in the future. The important thing is to take a breath and believe that you got this. Whatever this is. The truth is, the story of your future has not yet been written. You can edit it to get a more satisfying result. No matter what, everything is fine.
I know firsthand how scary it can be to get up off your knees and start accepting the work and pain that lies ahead on this journey. I also know that with love, support, and hope, it can be done.
If this is triggering you, you may not be ready to come out of the darkness yet. All I would say to that is perfect. If the pain is too much today, do yourself a favor and feel like you’re wrapped in a warm, soft blanket when it’s cold. Nourish yourself.
If you feel ready to accept and take the first small step towards freedom, I am going to offer you a very small step towards freedom from your pain.
Small steps towards acceptance:
- Take three deep breaths.
- Reach deep within your heart and find small feelings of gratitude.
- If you’re looking for gratitude, look to your child’s smile. Imagine this smile.
- Feel gratitude. This will give you hope.
- Breathe love for your child. Love comes before everything.
URecite this mantra daily, as many times as needed. “Everything is fine.” It’s okay. it’s okay.
You can create your own, but use this if it helps move the acceptance process forward.
Sit quietly every day. It doesn’t have to be for a long time. Feel free to use this time to calm yourself down.
During the moment of silence, take three deep breaths. You can also use mantras to know that all is well.
When you feel like you’ve lost hope, find a small thing to be grateful for. Feel yourself returning to a hopeful state.
Above all, remember to be kind to yourself. Practicing self-kindness can give you the strength to free yourself, accept your pain, and live with it.
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Brigitte M. Woltlauer Shipman I am an author, life coach, speaker, and teacher. She specializes in coaching mothers of children diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). His current book is “A mother’s guide to overcoming autism through the eyes of someone who guides her.”. She is also the author of Is it about God?
Source: Spiritual Media Blog – www.spiritualmediablog.com
