1. What is “Her Journey: Memoirs of Heartbreak and Homecoming”? Why did you write that?
Her journey is the story of my healing after my first marriage fell apart. I got married with 21 people and divorced 24 people, but in those three years I experienced broken heart, betrayal and trauma. Leave that toxic marriage was one of the most difficult and most important things I’ve ever had. What followed was seven years of healing through travel, spirituality, traditional and alternative modalities, and ultimately writing. Writing this book has become my way of reflecting, handling and reconciliation in the aftermath of abuse. It was horrifying, anger-inducing and innovative. Throughout the process, I took ownership of my codependency and unleashed the stories of my ancestors along with my trauma, finding a way to freedom, forgiveness and healing.
2. After his military helicopter crashed, you were your ex-husband’s full-time caregiver, but he was still abusive towards you. What gave you the strength to leave?
When I learned of the first events, I loved him so much that the outlook for life without him hurts more than betrayal. We thought we could heal together, but in the end he wasn’t going to work for repairs. I was ready to leave him when the crash happened and the death threat changed everything. He needed full-time care and promised to be a better man. However, he soon became spiralled with his own wounds (alcohol and substance abuse, depression, PTSD), and everything was reverted. I was able to reach its peak on the night when one or both of us could die, everything reached its peak, lying, lying, abused. After that I realized that leaving was my only option despite being devastated. When I left it behind, I saved my life.
3. How did you find healing after separation?
I survived thanks to the generosity and love of my close friends and family who housed me. We went on cross-country road trips, hiking, camping and backpacking. I’ve returned with my parents. There was a supernatural experience in yoga studios, and for the first time I was able to see my own role in my marriage. But I’ve only realised that it’s important to fill in the trauma and pain for years and revisit it. I was writing spirituality, therapy, breathing work, ancestor unpacking, plant medicine ceremonies, divorce rituals, and ultimately writing this book. I fell in love with a man of incredible integrity again. Together, we bought a van, sold our belongings, and hit the road. In 2023, Andrew proposed and eloped two weeks later. It was incredibly soothing to be remarried by a man who was safe, loyal, loving and has his own recovery.
4. You are now “Van Refer.” What do you think? What is your daily routine like? What is it like to be on the road or on the trip all the time?
I love Vanlife! This is the fifth year on a self-build camper van road. The first year (2020) was to visit national parks, hikes and explore the American West, but when we moved from “travel” to “lifestyle,” Andrew and I started writing slower and slower. We have spent the past four years writing each book. This is camped somewhere on public land in a beautiful place for a week or two. (Andrew has published a travel memoir called Now Is The Time: A Van Life Road Trip, A. Singer. I love awakening to a new backyard, freedom and simplicity. I have everything I need and I barely need it. Now we are on a Van Life Book Tour, visiting indie bookstores to meet people and promote our books!
5. What did you learn about yourself, your life, or others during your journey? How did that change your perspective?
A healing journey is the most important journey we can take to date, and as we heal, we have learned to contribute to all healing. I have learned that there is no liberty without responsibility and that forgiveness is a fundamental act of self-love. I came to realize that very poor behavior comes from places that were deeply hurt, and it helped me find compassion for myself and others. I had to learn who I was from within and I discovered a sense of strength and resilience that I never thought I could. It all led me to “home” into a free, wild, beautiful life.
6. Is there anything else you would like to share?
My hope and prayer is that my book will support others on a healing journey after a breakup. It is very important to know that sharing stories helps us validate our experiences, not just us. If you have ever had to rebuild after doom, there is always hope.
Source: Spiritual Media Blog – www.spiritualmediablog.com
