Addiction is a Family Disease

Excerpts extracted with permission Addiction is a family illnessby Art Dielhen

Family illness

If I can go back to the beginning of addiction, and if I know what I know now, I will warn you:

I’m sick and my illness makes you sick too.

It will make your life miserable.

I use your love to manipulate and control you.

I’ll steal from you, lie to you, trick you into doing things For me, it means that you should do it for yourself.

My addiction also turns you into an addict.

I don’t know that’s happening until it’s too late.

You cannot save me, but you can save yourself.

So. . . Don’t dare to love me! Love yourself instead.

It helps us to know that our problems are well understood. This is the passage from The road to recoverythe Handbook of Al Anon, an international support group for the family and friends of people affected by the alcoholic disease.

“[T]One member’s alcoholism affects the whole family, and everything becomes ill. Why does this happen? Unlike diabetes, addiction is not only present in the addict’s body, but also a related illness. Many symptoms of alcoholism are caused by alcoholism’s behavior, and can also be seen in loved ones.. People involved in alcoholism respond to this behavior. They try to control it, compensate for it, or hide it. They often blame it and are hurt by it. In the end, they get emotionally disturbed. ”

Ignorance trapped

For those of us who love addicts, heartbreak can be relentless. You can become ignorant at first. Then we may start to see the signs, but we choose to ignore them. We give the addict the benefits of doubt and tell ourselves:

The child will become a child. She outweighs her phone addiction.

It’s best not to overreact.

My husband is too successful and has no drug problems.

Now, the kids have to eat.

Ah, he only party on weekends.

She thought she had stopped going to the casino.

This will prevent us from protecting our selective perceptions and denials from things that are very obvious to others. We are finally forced to admit that our loved ones have real problems. It’s so scary, so we dive in to fix it and keep trying to fix it –

This forced upon correction and preservation is as powerful as any drug. We can’t stop telling them what to do, how to straighten them, how to get better. And it is this very struggle that can beat us.

Love tells us to achieve the impossible.

Of course, if my addict needs help, I’ll help!

I will do anything that even requires sacrifice myself.

How can I do it?

We are trapped in this family illness of hidden consequences. It can come as a shock. That was done for me.

Do you know what’s going on?