welcome I’m doing ita column by sex educator Varuna Srinivasan exploring the deep connection between sex and emotions. This month they will explore the meaning of cheating for different people and how to set boundaries in your own relationship. Do you have any questions or story ideas for Dr. Srinivasan? Send here.
My definition of fraud has evolved over the years.
At 10 o’clock, having my lunch with another girl was considered a betrayal of Peak.
At 16, I went based on what other kids in my grades told me they were cheating on me. It was totally off limits to watching porn, masturbating without anyone else attending, or texting other members of literally different sex.
At 24 years old, still influenced by heterosexual norms, I began to define cheating for myself. Kissing or sleeping with other men was no go, but kissing other women didn’t count as long as I did it in front of my boyfriend or told him about it later. Stripping clubs, flirting with others, watching porn was now a fair game.
At 27, I came out as bisexual and after my understanding of sexuality changed, the definition expanded to include women.
Now, at age 34, my definition of fraud is the mutual trust and boundary-breaking behavior I set with my husband. This includes being emotionally, romantically or sexually involved with someone else.
As you get older, this type of perspective changes are pretty common, something Moandorra JohnsonAuthorized marriage and family therapists are attributed to the greater openness of society regarding non-cause, sexual mobility, and relationship diversity. “Flapping, consumption of adult content, or exploring queer space individually doesn’t automatically indicate a problem,” says Johnson. “In reality, they can support individual autonomy, identity, and self-expression.”
When I first started writing this story, I was trying to answer the reader’s questions: “Is fraud not good in relationships?” But in the end, fraud is not as black and white as we think. Most people agree that having sex with someone who is not your partner is cheating if you are in a monogamous relationship, but opinions vary widely in other physical and non-physical activities. Fantasy, watching porn, going to strange parties and having friends of the opposite sex is often classified as activities that can lead to adulterous behavior, but not everyone considers them as a red flag.
Source: Allure – www.allure.com
